


I'll Never Be Her

by anon_luv



Series: I'll Never Be Her [1]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Drama & Romance, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, Pregnancy, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-06-01 01:23:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15131999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_luv/pseuds/anon_luv
Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his.Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around.She was his ex-girlfriend,  his first love, actually, she was his many firsts and she kept coming back.He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all.





	1. INBH 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this Fic. It started off as a One-Shot request, and it grew into this angsty mess. It is a Short Series ( 8 Chapters total). Let me know what you think. Feedback makes me happy!
> 
> Minor Grammar mistakes possible. I will edit more if needed.
> 
> I am so nervous to post this haha. LEAVE SOME LOVE!

She was back. Once again, she stood before him with crystal clear tears running down her cheeks. Your heart ached to see him run to her without a regard of what he was leaving behind as he flew towards the light he had sought after all these years. Her. She had been his dream, his answer to his prayers, but sadly faith had guided her heart to someone else.  
When you had decided to be with Jimin, he had warned you about this. He had told you about her. He had shared his weakness as you both laid upon his bed after you made love for the first time. He was afraid you would run out after, but you stayed. Your heart had been stubborn.

The first time she walked into your life was a week after you had moved in with him. The slamming of her small fist against your door waking you both from slumber. Before you could utter a word Jimin had rushed out to put on his pj pants running to the door, as if there was a horde of zombies chasing him. You walked curiously behind him wandering your way into the living room.  
There she was laying upon his chest in a fetal position rocking back and forth. His hands caressing her blond locks softly as if she was made out of crystal. He kissed her forehead softly, and she looked up into his eyes. Your heart rate beating faster and faster as his lips now traveled to her nose pecking the tip like he had done to you so many times. Your breath hitching as you could only assume from experience what comes next, but he didn’t have to lean in, she reaches out and seals her lips against his.  
Your close your eyes quickly not wanting to witness anything else. Your heart shattered into pieces, but you knew. You had known all this time that no matter how many moments were shared between Jimin and you, he would never be completely and devotedly yours.

 

* * *

 

Fast forward 3 years and she still comes around. It had been 5 months since she had last visited, and for a moment you had dared to dream she was gone for good. She sat at your table giggling at a joke Jimin had just said while you stirred the boiling noodles, trying to ignore the knot in your throat that had been present so many times, you had become an expert in swallowing up your tears.

“So, (Y/N) I heard from Jimin that you are teaching a kinder class, that must be quite a challenge. Nataly is a handful on her own, I can’t imagine having 15 more of her running around at the same time,” she said adding a giggle at the end, her rosy cheeks rendering even you speechless.

“Well...yeah...they are a handful, but I love what I do, and I wouldn't have it any other way.” You said trying to sound more confident than you actually were. You loved your students so much, but you couldn't hide the fact that your feet and headaches have become a daily friend of yours.

“Y/N is also the cheerleading coach for her school,” Jimin said giving you a smile that hasn't been thrown your way all day, causing a blush to appear on your cheeks.

You looked back at her face, her cheeks still rosy from before giving her an angelic glow. You wondered if your blush gave you the same effect, but after seeing the way Jimin’s attention went back to her beautiful face without giving you a second glance your silent questions had been answered.

Your blush had nothing on hers.

* * *

 

Her name was Stephany. She was 3 years older than you, just like Jimin. They had grown up together. They were each other’s first kiss, first relationship, first love, and first time. It was all butterflies and rainbows, they had been attached at the hip. Jimin liked telling you stories about their many adventures, which you had embraced as a beautiful fairy tale. A once upon a time fiction that had no happy ending.

Everything had been smooth sailing for them until Stephanie turned 17 when her family dragged her along to move hours away from her beloved. Their relationship deteriorated, until long hours on the phone and video calls turned into a text or 2 a week. They ended it. The relationship was too difficult to keep up with. They said they would remain friends, and forever love each other in some way, but Stephany never called, messaged, or visited. So, after much heartbreak Jimin’s life went on.

3 years later though, Stephanie knocked at his door, a baby in arms and a diamond on her finger.

1 year later you came along. You were late.

Sometimes you wonder if you had come a year earlier when Stephanie was still MIA(Missing in Action) would you still be in this position??

Would she still hold half of Jimin’s heart captive?

As much as you dance around the many possibilities of an alternate scenario of Jimin’s life….you always come to the conclusion that no matter the outcome she would always have a place in his world, but you…..

You were not her.

* * *

 

You wish you hated her.

You wish you could despise the very earth she walked on, but you couldn't.

She was attentive, headstrong, and kind. She was like a happy virus, a gift to the dull world you lived in.

You confided in her all your problems, blurring out the ones that revolved around her. You treasured her friendship. You sought her out when you were down, and for that, you didn't hate her…..you couldn't…

You hated yourself.

 

She was captivating in an odd sense of the word. You always wondered what went through her mind when her ocean blue eyes wandered around the many frames scattered around the apartment you shared with Jimin. Every frame held a special moment between the both of you. From kisses to birthdays, to random outing at random places. Each moment full of love. Love that for at least the moment the flash went off you forgot you shared.

“He loves you, you know,” you said softly not wanting to disturb the little girl that lay asleep upon her lap. The soft blond locks interlaced with Stephanie’s fingers as she ran them up and down soothingly.

She looked at you wide-eyed, caught off guard by your comment. A silent pause. Her eyes roamed uncomfortably around the apartment until they were met again by your figure. Your anxious trembling hands being her main point of focus as a sad smile decorated her face, “I know” she said causing you took inhale a deep breath as the knot formed in your throat once again “but he loves you more”

 

 

* * *

 

His arms were warm and strong as he held you, his soft breathing tickling the space behind your ear lightly. You sighed, cautiously turning to face him. His face calm, a small smile blessing his soft pink lips. You leaned forward to meet his softly, not wanting to wake him up, but not being able to hold back the urge to feel the warmth of his soft pillows.

He holds you tighter as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his voice raspy from sleep “Love, what are you doing still awake?”

Your hand runs through his thick soft black hair “I have a stomach ache”

He picks up his head, concern written all over his face “Oh no babe, do you want me to make you a tea??”

Your hands travel to his cheeks squishing them lightly “No I am okay, can you just put your warm hands on my tummy. Don't worry, pre-period cramps. Nothing extreme, just a pain to deal with”

Jimin nods in understanding. He has rubbed your tummy several times before to make you feel better during your red sea crusades.

He lifts up the blanket to reach underneath your shirt, his hand moving in a soothing circular motion.

“Better??” He asks raising up his eyebrows cutely.

“Much” you reply as you lean forward to kiss the tip of his nose.

He gives you a sleepy smile as your heart launches out of your chest.

How had you gotten so lucky?

His smile intensifies to a full-blown grin as he uncovers you and moves down to where his face meets your stomach.

Soft butterfly kisses sprinkled across your tummy lovingly making your face grow warm.

How?

You wouldn't call yourself beautiful, interesting, or fit. You had love handles, untamable hair, and every once in a while, you would bloom out the nastiest volcano of a pimple.

Jimin. He was perfect. His soft skin and rosy cheeks were the envy of everyone who crossed his path. His smile was sweet like honey as his eyes formed cute crescents that put the stars to shame. His jaw sharp and refine giving him a manly profile that took your breath away. Even his shadow was attractive, that was just who Park Jimin was …. Perfection.

“(Y/N)” he said tearing you away from your spiraling thoughts as he lay his warm cheek right above your belly button. Your breathing causing his face to move up and down slowly with the motions.

“Hmm babe” you responded as sleep started once again to sound appealing.

“I hope that when we have a baby, she or he will look just like you. Your big eyes and gorgeous smile is a must” he said as he used his finger to draw patterns on your skin.

“As long as they have your pink lips and high cheekbones” you replied as you ruffled his hair playfully.

He moved his face toward yours to deliver the sweetest of kisses “We would make some beautiful babies, you know that”

A bright smile adorned your face, it was at moments like this where Stephany was nonexistent in the world of you and Jimin. It was just the two of you and no one else.

* * *

 

The days and weeks that served as R&R before Stephany made an appearance once again in your life, was what aided the relationship between you and Jimin. Her physical absence from your apartment was like a breath of fresh air after being underwater for what felt like an eternity. Whether intentional or not you exchanged daily texts with Stephany. For her, it was a friendship related courtesy check-in, but for you, it was a forecast to predict the possibility of her infamous visits.

 

It was a weekend when things turned awfully sour. Her text message was simple, without any sort of foreshadowing of the mess that would end up in your plate.

 

 _(Y/n) I am going to be running a bit late. I am out doing errands and I am stuck right now. Can you pick up_ Natty. xxxx _Steph_

 

You read it over without much thought. You had picked up her baby girl from school often enough for her to start calling you aunty. It didn't mean she was coming over thank goodness, but it did mean babysitting and Disney flicks which you quite honestly probably enjoyed more than Nataly.

 

_Sure. No Prob._

\---------------------------------

It was 9pm when Jimin walked in through the door, looking disheveled and like he could use 24 hours of continuous sleep. His eyes met yours and a bright smile managed to camouflage his tired appearance. He walked towards you practically skipping happily much to your dismay until he saw the little girl laying on your lap. Her soft snores falling in a pattern to lull her even into a deeper state of sleep.

Jimin looked around the apartment questioningly wondering where Stephany was. A crease of worry had now adorned his face, completely overtaking his previous state of happiness. The dim light of the room making the whole event more dramatic, causing a jolt of uneasiness to flow through your veins.

“(y/n), where is Steph?” he asked in a harsher tone than the one you were expecting.

You shrugged your shoulders not wanting to make too much noise, the little girl in your lap had fallen asleep a few minutes ago after much convincing on your behalf.

Jimin shook his head at you as he quietly made his way to scoop up the little girl in his arms. He carefully placed her head so it rested on his shoulder, he walked swiftly to the guest room not wanting to disturb her sleep for too long. You followed suit in case he needed any help along the way. You opened the door so he could walk inside. He then laid her down in the middle of the queen bed and placed soft pillows all around her as a precaution, since the bed was a bit high for her to sleep on her own. The night light, that had been bought previously for these surprise Nataly sleepovers, now turned on lighting up half the room with a pinkish glow.

Jimin placed a soft kiss on her forehead lovingly, leaving a yearning in your heart of a future with him.

He looked over at you as he grasped your hand lightly waking you up from your daydream. He pulled you towards the living room once again. You knew he was bound to ask questions about what was going on and it scared you. You were clueless.

All you got was a text, Nataly, and nothing else. To be quite honest you hadn’t even bothered calling Stephany, assuming she was just running late. Now that you thought about it, she was way too late. She had never asked you to babysit for more than 2 hours, and it was about to be 6 hours since you had picked up Nataly from her daycare.

You walked through the hallway with careful steps, the carpets now more a blessing than ever.

The silence in the room felt tense and you didn't quite understand why.

Jimin dropped your hand as if it was on fire.

“Why didn't you call me and let me know?” he asked with a hardened tone.

Your eyes wide not expecting this radical change, “Why would I need to call you?? She asked me to babysit Nataly, something I have done many times before. I didn't think anything of it. Plus, she is an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I am not her mother to give her a curfew. She is my friend” you said defensively as you stared straight into his eyes daring him to try and speak rudely to you again.

Jimin and you never argued, your willingness to side with him through the controversies that could arise in a relationship created a mutual understanding that arguments were not to your liking. He also tended not to pry into sensitive areas as to not to instigate anything. Communication was key with the both of you, well at least it had seemed that way.

Sometimes you wondered if that is why your relationship wasn't enough to conquer his entire heart. The monotony of a calm environment could be the reason he sought the chaos that surrounded Stephany.

“She is mine. She is my friend, and you should've let me know. Have you even called to check up on her??” He said in a quiet harsh whisper.

The tears that threatened to fall along with the now familiar knot giving out causing you to finally collapse. The pressure of being scolded over something that was out of your control snapping away the last thread you were holding onto.

“You know what?? I don't have to do this. I don't have to get yelled over stupid shit that has nothing to do with me. I don't have to sit and watch like a good girl as you tiptoe around the fact that you love her more than you will ever love me, and you just have me here as standby. I am not your bitch to command. I won't come to lick your face happily every time you say sorry or give me a treat after you fuck up. I am not a punching bag….much less when it's between her and you. I am not a replacement or a substitute, I am my own person” you said as the anger that had accumulated through time exploded sending words like shredded metal hurting everyone around.

Stephany stood still, frozen by the front door, her small hand covering her mouth completely shocked of the scene in front of her.

You spotted her right away, your eyes blurring her frame with tears that threatened to fall again.

You didn't wait for Jimin to respond for as soon as he noticed your attention had zoomed into another direction his eyes were no longer on you. He didn't even think twice before he left you once again behind.

“Stephany are you okay??” He asked, expecting you to move on like you usually did.

Stephany ignored Jimin giving him a glare her eyes traveled to your rage-filled trembling body “(y/n), are you okay?”

Taking a deep breath to clear the rush of thoughts drowning you, you made a decision. Your heart was no longer taking the floor, you stomped to your room locking it behind you, not wanting to witness anything having to do with the half of Jimin he obviously biased.

You were tired and broken. You just wanted sleep to consume you and take you away, but at the same time, your consciousness craved for the doorknob of your room to twist and for your love to chase you and leave everything behind for you, just like he always did for her.

You wanted to be chased. You were tired of being the one to do the chasing.

* * *

 

 

He came to bed at 1am. Any questions of where he was or what he was doing erased from your mind at the first form of contact in his behalf. His arm surrounding your waist as he pulled you closer, his nose traveling along your neckline inhaling your sent as he delivered soft sprinkled kisses all the way to your ear.

Jimin knew you were awake. You had never been able to fall asleep without him beside you, and at times it angered you how dependent you had become of him, you despise your clinginess.

“I love you. I really do. You know, that right??” He whispered in your ear.

No, I don't. I don't think you do.

“Yes, I do, and I love you” you replied your voice raspy from the lack of liquids and talking you've had in the last few hours.

I love you so much….but it hurts

Jimin turned you around to face him, you let yourself be guided till you laid in your side, your face only a few centimeters from his.

You took a moment to redraw every detail of his face in your memory, from his cute nose to his plump lips. A true angel. He leaned forward to softly steal a kiss from your mouth. Your hands automatically tangling themselves in his dark brown hair tugging him towards you. He smiled into your lips as he nipped the bottom one. He knew he was forgiven as soon as he felt your wandering hands travel underneath his shirt tugging it up. His stomach was warm as your finger outlined every hard indentation of his abs. He rolled you over onto your back as he hovered over you as he ripped away his shirt. He separated himself from you as he smiled down as if you were covered in gold. You smiled back at him as he dipped down again to capture your lips with his.

He took off your shirt and snapped your bra in one go as he trailed down sucking on your skin, branding you with soft pink specks resembling a constellation. You savored the feeling of his warm moist muscle licking its way down your mounds towards your heated core that was luckily only covered with a thin silk. Your fingers trembled against the waistband of his shorts with anticipation to taste what lay beneath. Your mouth watered at the mere thought of him inside of you.

Jimin raised his hips allowing you to pull down his basketball shorts. Much to your luck, Jimin had skipped out on his boxers allowing you to grasp him without another moment to waste. A soft moan came out of his mouth as he grinded against your hand. Before he could get carried away he lowered himself back to his previous position between your legs, you tried reaching back for his cock only to have him giggle at your blind sighted search.

“Calm down silly girl, let me taste you first,” he said in a deep enchanting voice. Your eyes rolled back with pleasure as his tongue sent you spiraling into an endless abyss of pleasure.

You moaned loudly almost automatically coming undone.

“Jimin” you sighed as you tried to pull him away from your sensitive area.

He giggled playfully “Well that didn’t even take a minute”

You grasped him from the shoulders to switch positions now straddling him.

“You are that good,” you said as you slowly lowered your mouth mimicking his previous actions. Your mouth trailing down the pathway that marked the X, but before you could gather the treasure with your lips you were ripped away. Jimin roughly kissed you “I can’t wait, please let me be inside of you”

You nodded quickly half dazed from the endorphins rushing through your body.

You leveled your entrance with his cock as you slowly lowered, allowing yourself to swallow him slowly.

The stretching causing a momentary pain that quickly subsided to pleasure as his tip was buried deep inside of you.

You moaned loudly as you bounced up and down taking you closer and closer to the edge. Jimin grasped onto your hips tighter and tighter, his fingernails digging into your skin, red marks that will stay as a memoir of tonight. You looked down at him and as you saw him bite his lip with pleasure you rocked faster and faster. A spasm engulfing your body as it reached another high as the warmth of Jimin’s seed filled you. Your body giving up on top of him, none of you making a move to separate your bodies from one another. A silent agreement of sleeping in that position made as Jimin caressed your back lovingly.

* * *

 

It had been 6 weeks since you had last heard of Stephany. She had texted you the day after asking for forgiveness after the whole fiasco. You didn’t bother to answer back this time. As much as you loved Nataly, you needed a break from Stephany.

The little girl had come over twice with Jimin, and you both took her out for ice cream and a trip to the park before Jimin took her back home.

The days and nights had blurred together into an abundance of kisses and cuddles.

 

_Ready for Dinner at 7. I have a surprise for you!!-_

ChimChim _5:45 pm_

_Can't_ wait _love -_

_Sent 6:00pm_

 

The chilly air blew against your face as Jimin opened the door to his car. The dark orange leaves from the trees crunched against your feet as you walked towards the fancy looking restaurant.

You smiled at Jimin taking your time to admire the black tuxedo that sculpted perfectly against his muscled torso. You could tell he was nervous by the way he kept on running his hand through his hair, triggering even more excitement in your behalf about the events that awaited for you that evening.

“Table for Park Jimin,” he said sounding more formal than usual causing a giggle to escape your lips.

Goosebumps rising on your skin as his hand traveled along your body to settle on your lower back, as he guided you to follow along towards the empty table the waiter had deemed as yours. The restaurant was dimly lit with dark blue and off-white decorations giving it an extra elegant feel. The roses on your table adding to the romantic effect as you took a seat.

You were overwhelmed with emotions as Jimin took your hand in his from across the table. His eye smile taking your breath away. You felt like you were on cloud 9 with all the attention he had been giving you lately.

You had a gut feeling something was going to shift between the both of you tonight, and it wasn't only because his sleeves now were wrinkled from how much he kept messing with them.

“Hello and welcome to Le Rose Restaurante are you guys ready to order??” The waiter asked the both of you with a kind smile in his face.

Jimin looked at you for confirmation and you nodded.

“Yes sir, can I please have the pasta Alfredo with a glass of your strawberry lemonade,” you said handing your menu.

“Of course, and for you sir?” He said now facing Jimin.

“I’ll have the...umm... same” Jimin said stuttering a bit. A rosy coloring on his cheeks adding to his unearthly looks. He was so beautiful, and you felt so lucky to be here with him. This was way too good to be true.

As soon as the waiter left Jimin smiled at you a bit nervously, “I am not used to all of this fancy stuff”

“Neither am I, to be honest McDonalds would've done the trick” you replied giving him a full-toothed smile

Jimin laughed at your cute response, “ Not for this baby girl”

His response leaving you more intrigued in the whole purpose on the setting of tonight's date.

Before you could question his ulterior motives, his phone rang snapping the both out of the conversation. Jimin looked down at his phone as an annoyed sounding sigh left his pink plump lips.

“I’ll be right back love. I promise” he said as he stood up and hurriedly made his way out towards the bathrooms. You looked at his retreating form with a smile still on your lips as you whispered to yourself “He will be right back”

* * *

 

1 hour.

The food was cold, and your hunger had evaporated into a feeling of emptiness. Your mind numb as you paid the very expensive bill. Everything left untouched as the waiter eyed you with a sense of pity.

You were pitiful. You were an absolute mess. Gullible, naive, and absolutely stupid. Your red dress feeling tighter as the minutes ticked by till your taxi arrived.

Jimin never came back. No text or call. You even asked the waiter to check the restrooms, but he was nowhere to be found. He had left you behind again, and you could just guess who it had been for.

You entered your empty apartment, the dark gray walls suiting your current mood. The disappointment that had ignited into a bonfire like flame within burning you with a scalding pain.

The bed where you had shared nights with Jimin looking fragile in a sense, but nevertheless you jumped into it letting the aroma of him that had stayed within the blankets surround you. The buzzing of your phone shaking you out of your dazed state as you tiredly reached for it.

 

_Sorry. Stephany broke her foot while going down the stairs of her apartment. She needed someone to drive her to the hospital. I will make it up to you. I promise._

_ChimChim 1:37am_

Your hand wiped away the stray tears upon your face. The makeup that had taken you an hour to do at least probably making you look like a raccoon, but at this point, you gave no fucks.

You opened the closet and ripped away your clothes from the hangers. Half the closet was now empty. You bunched it all up inside a gym bag miraculously fitting most of it without a problem. With one last look around the place you had called home, you decided to finally put yourself first. The keys to your apartment laid on the kitchen counter as you locked it from the inside before taking the first step away from everything that was Jimin.

 

_No more Promises. Bye_

_Y/N_ 3:00am

_What do you mean??_

_Chimchim 3:01am_

_Y/N, what are you saying???_

_Chimchim 3:04am_

_Y/N!_

_Chimchim 3:07am_

_I am coming home_

_Chimchim 3:13am_

_Where are you_ babe _???!_

_555-5555 3:42am_

**Goodbye Jimin.**


	2. INBH 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Jimin X Reader
> 
> Genre: Angst/ Romance
> 
> Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his.
> 
> Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around.
> 
> She was his ex girlfriend, his first love, actually she was his many firsts and she kept coming back.
> 
> He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all.
> 
> At least for now.
> 
> Rated M: Sexual Scenes and Languages that might not be appropriate for all ages.
> 
> Word Count: 10.8K+

 

 

Heartbreak.

You had heard rumors about the unmistakable pain that comes from that forsaken condition. The boundaries between the mental and physical pain blurred as your body weakens from the instability of emotions.

It had been a week. Just seven days, yet your whole being was already giving up on you. Your soul’s withdrawal from Jimin cursing you into a hellhole.

The nausea came in waves as you laid upon the bed you had barely had the energy to come out from. The dizziness that magnified everytime you closed your eyes, creating a similar effect as if you were stuck in the middle of the ocean on a wooden raft as a hurricane blew with category 5 winds.

Drunk you were not, actually, the mere thought of the bitter taste of it sent you right back to the toilet you had been practically glued on for the past four days.

“You need to eat something,” Jin said as he placed a bowl next to your temporary bed, “I brought you some chicken broth and saltine crackers”

“Thank you, but I think I should just go back to sleep” you replied weakly as you attempted to shoo him away with your hand.

“Stop being so bloody stubborn.” he replied ripping away the blankets now sending your body into a shock from the coldness in the room, “You need to eat. Going to work and coming home to head straight to bed is not healthy. I am worried. Please.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Fine”

The warmth of the bowl felt amazing against your skin, you took a spoonful and smiled his way “Thank you Jin”

He smiled sadly at you, “You are welcome. I really do think you need to talk to Jimin though, he is hurting too (y/n). I went to go see him yesterday, he is not doing too well”

“Well neither am I, but I couldn’t stand by and watch any longer,” you said as tears once again spilled over your now hollowed cheeks.

“(y/n), stop stop, I am done talking. I don’t want to see you hurting. You were smiling a second ago, if I didn’t know any better I would assume you were pregnant” he said trying to make a small joke out of the situation.

Your eyes widened. Pregnant. The color drained from your face as a bit of bile rose up again from your throat. You swallowed. Jin’s clueless expression changed to one of equal horror as it clicked that just might be the reason you have been so sick lately as he saw your quick change in demeanor.

You set down the bowl and placed it beside you as you reached out for your cell phone.

38 unread messages and 27 missed calls. All from Jimin. He had been trying to reach you nonstop, but at this moment that did not matter. For the first time since you left you didn’t stop and linger on whether to respond back to his messages or not.

The calendar app was of more importance. You scrolled over through the dates, your last menstrual cycle was 2 months ago….all the commotion in your life leaving you no time to worry about mother nature and her monthly visits.

Jin peaked over your shoulder, “You know google says stress can sometimes mess around with your …you know….thing”

You smiled weakly at him…stress….”Yes, it might just be stressed. I probably just need more sleep”

The room was silent after that, Jin had excused himself, quite uncomfortably, leaving you behind to your own thoughts to go get groceries. You laid down once again not trying to overthink the situation at hand, maybe you were just a bit late.

                                                                                                  

* * *

 

 

**_Flashback 2 years and 4 months ago_ **

_“It is on the house,” the broad-shouldered man said winking your way._

_“Oh, Thank you,” you said shyly, you were not used to getting attention from the opposite sex, especially this early. The sun hadn’t even peaked out of the horizon and you were already making your way towards class. Morning lectures were not your favorite, but your procrastination had landed you in the only vacant spot in the last subject you needed to graduate, and much to your luck it was at 7:00 am._

_“Call me Jin my name is Seokjin, but don’t thank me, pretty girl. That fellow over there with the weird orange hair is the one you should thank” he said as he leveled himself with you and pointed towards a two-seater table where a lone boy had his head completely buried in a book. Said boy didn’t look affected by your presence at all, actually he seemed rather absorbed in the pages he flipped through every couple seconds._

_Jin was quite tall and upon closer inspection very handsome making you a stuttering mess, “ Yeah…yeah I’ll say thanks, I guess…” you said not wanting to be rude._

_Jin winked at you as you made your way over to the orange hair man, and subconsciously formulating a conversation that would be short and to the point, that would include a good enough side comment sounding grateful for his act of kindness with an attached rejection if he had any ulterior motives. As you approached you noted he looked quite disheveled and in his hand was a neon yellow highlighter._

_He looked like he was studying, but upon closer inspection, you realized his book looked more like a coloring book if anything with the amount of bright yellow markings and underlined text._

_“You do know the purpose of that thing in your hand is to highlight only the imperative parts right??” You said making the man jump a bit in his seat  Your deep morning voice making it sound more like a rude statement rather than the playful teasing one you were aiming for._

_“Excuse me??” He said looking up at you a bit caught off guard by your sudden presence._

_“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so…..ugly and stuff….but like my voice in the morning does this thing where it sounds like an old man going through puberty all over again….and I meant it just in a teasing kinda way. My name is (y/n) by the way… I am sorry I tend to blabber, stutter, and make a complete idiot out of myself when I get nervous" you said as you dried your sweaty hand on your pants and then put it out there for him to shake._

_He looked up with an amused glint in his eye, and then a smile made his way to his features completely dazzling you, “Jimin, nice to meet you, and don’t worry about it. To be honest, that is quite cute. Why don’t you take a seat??”_

_You looked at the empty seat in front of Jimin, debating whether seating down for a few minutes would be a good idea. You still had an hour to class, and Jimin’s eye smile looked more inviting than chocolate cake, “Okay, I guess only for a little. Thank you….for the coffee and stuff”_

_“The coffee??” he asked looking clearly confused._

_“Yeah, your friend over there said to thank you…wait….you didn’t …” you said your eyes now wide with embarrassment as your cheeks tinted pink._

_Jimin shook his head looking quite flustered himself, “I did not, but I mean…. I wish I could’ve??” he stated more like a question than a statement._

_You both turned around to look at Jin who had been cleaning the same table for over 5 minutes now._

_“I am sorry. He was probably just trying..He thinks I should you know….He likes to call himself Cupid”, Jimin said as he nervously scratched the back of his head._

_You laughed out loud at the shyness of the boy, it was not his fault yet here he was turning redder than a tomato in front of you, “Don’t be shy, I am a gullible person it can happen to the best of us, and look at this we made ourselves a new friend right??”_

_Jimin nodded sending your way another one of his breathtaking smiles, ‘Are you always this positive??”_

_You shook your head rapidly, “Nope, especially this early in the morning, but today feels like a good day”_

_“Yep, it would be even better if I could actually retain any of this,” he said looking a bit frustrated at the notes in front of him._

_You eyes his paper once again, and smiled brightly at him taking out your spiral notebook, “I told you it feels like a good day. Here you go, the notes are there, highlighted in different colors by categories”_

_“You are taking Advanced Literature too??” he asked as he excitedly skimmed through your notes._

_“Yes, I am in the 4pm lecture,” you said smiling at the enthusiastic boy in front of you._

_“Me too!! I haven’t seen you there, but then again there is like 200 students in the lecture hall at the same time. I feel awful for procrastinating on my studying for the test today” he said now looking completely devastated._

_Seeing him slightly pout making your heart tug a bit, “How about I stay with you here and help you study?? I need the review anyway”_

_“Are you sure?? I don’t want to impose” he replied as he took a sip of the coffee and the cringing a bit making him look a hundred times cuter._

_You took a moment to observe the man in front of you and before your mind could speak your heart did, “I am sure, plus whether it was indirectly or not you did hook it up with free coffee”_

_This had been the first time you ditched a class willingly, and you waited for the guilt to kick in making you overthink all the important notes you could’ve taken, but as you sat with Jimin giggling at his cute jokes, and talking about anything but the course material you realised it had been worth it._

_“So, we should probably start heading out,” you said looking at your watch which indicated that it was almost 3:15 and you both had 30 minutes to get to class._

_“Yeah, we should. Let me pay first” he replied running to the counter where Jin still eyed the both of you with a glint in his eye._

_Jimin paced fast back to start picking up his scattered notes when you noticed Jin looking quite annoyed behind him._

_You were about to question if everything was all right, but he beat you to the punch._

_“Okay now, Adults you have been together for hours, and I have been patiently waiting for a phone number exchange if anything. So far all I have seen are awkward blushes, and lame ass flirty jokes, so can you all just you know write each other’s number down so I can have peace._

_Jimin’s face paled at the forwardness of his friend, you, on the contrary, felt quite bad for the position the boy had been put in._

_“Just to let you know, we were about to leave together for class, and then I was going to ask him if he wanted to have dinner with me, thank you very much. I do not need a relationship guru for your information” you said sounding more confident than you were._

_“Woah Jimin, this girl has balls and bites. I like her….Keep her” Jin said walking away leaving the both of you dumbfounded._

_Jimin reacted quicker than you this time to put all the stuff inside his bag. You both walked quietly out of the cafe, but as soon as the door closed Jimin’s cheeky smile bloomed in your direction, “So, Dinner??”_

                                                                                                  

* * *

 

To say you overslept would be an understatement. The swelling along with the comforter’s red marks across your face was a clear giveaway.

You had tossed and turned for 30 minutes after Jin left, but dreamland was no longer accepting your admission.You rubbed your eyes roughly trying to ease the frustration of having to face the day with the constant thoughts in your brain running at about a thousand miles per hour. Why were you never good enough??

The reflection in the mirror had never been your best friend, you can’t count the hours you had spent from a very young age picking out flaws and finding a way to camouflage them. Most of the time your laziness won over your vanity, and that was one thing Jimin said he loved about you.

At closer inspection, you noted how much thinner your cheeks looked from a while back, along with the dark circles that framed your eyes, that despite your endless amount of sleep were more prominent than ever.

The hair that fell down in an unarranged manner from your head in a less than perfect way had always been your early morning biggest fight. Threading your fingers along the chaos to at least make yourself look more decent had proven to be a complete failure. Maybe, if your hair magically fell upon your shoulders like a yellow waterfall like Stephany things would have been different. Your self-image was poor, and you had never been one to accept a compliment gracefully from Jimin. Your put downs had become a self-defense mechanism, something Jimin always frowned upon, always answering back with a compliment that would blow you to the moon.

Attention seeker, that is what Jin had addressed your condition, but Jimin always knew better. He had seen you at your lowest when the tears fell down your face with frustration when your pants wouldn’t close and you had spent 4 hours non stop at the gym. Jimin had accepted you, and tried holding your hand through every episode of your lack of confidence.

Jimin had made you feel loved and cared for, but you had become selfish. The praise words that he whispered in your ears through the night as you both made love were screamed out loud for the world to hear about Stephany. He was not shy about the admiration for her, whereas with you he was more reserved. She was a goddess in his eyes. You could see it every time she talked and his tunnel vision focused on only her. Everything she did was compared to whatever lame attempt you could. One-upping her was out of the question for at the very moment your eyes landed on her you knew there was no competition. She had won a long time ago hands down.

What hurt the most was the fact that you didn’t have the courage to put up a  fight. Just like with everything else about JImin you had accepted her with arms wide open. She was a part of him whether you liked it or not.

Your hand traveled along your body to your bloated stomach. You had noticed a bit of cramping, but you never really paid much attention to it. You had been only craving crispy tacos with extra cheese this past week and had relentlessly blamed your fat ass for the now protruding muffin top. You caressed the top of it softly wondering if there was a little bean there like Jin had suggested. Just thinking of a mini Jimin running around calling you mom brought a smile to your face. Then reality hits and you are left feeling more alone than ever. Jimin and you were no longer. You had walked away. Had that been the right thing to do?? Yes. It had been. Even if it was the most painful thing you have had to endure in life you knew that you did not deserve being runner-up, you wanted to be someone’s one and only.

A knock on the door snapped you back to the present.

“(Y/N), I brought you something….. Are you okay in there??” Jin said from behind the door sounding concerned.

“I am all right, just give me a sec,” you said pulling down the shirt that had ridden up with the buddha rubbing you had been doing previously.

You cracked the door open for Jin to walk in.

“Did you vomit again??” he asked as he inspected his surroundings.

“Nope, just slight tummy discomfort, but so far the soup has been staying down” you replied as you gave him a thankful smile.

You had not paid close attention when he had come into the restroom, but now the plastic bag in his hand had been put up in the counter along with a jug of orange juice.

Jin’s face had turned crimson as you could see his eyes traveling from the objects to you looking a bit troubled.

“Spit it out Jinjin” you said eyeing his unusual flustered self.

“I saw this in that Juno Movie, and well…yeah,” he said as he started backing away out the door leaving you alone with the unknown items. With peaked interest, you looked inside the bag finding over 12 pregnancy tests from various brands.

“Wonderful” you whispered to yourself, “it isn’t going to kill me to at least take one to have a peace of mind”

You chugged half a gallon of orange juice before your bladder had decided to cooperate with the task at hand. You pulled down your pants quickly, the sudden urge to pee becoming overwhelming. You quickly grabbed the two prepped sticks and peed on one and then quickly grabbed the other, and much to your surprise you were able to get both without getting any urine on your hand.

“Score!” You scram a bit louder than anticipated as you placed both sticks on the countertop.

Before you knew it, Jin’s head was popping in through the door looking quite panicked.

“What happened?!!” He said not really grasping the concept of privacy in the bathroom.

“Seokjin OUT!!” you scram causing him to realize his mistake.

He hurriedly closed the door as he repeatedly said “sorry” from the other side.

You giggled at his goofiness and once you were wiped clean and with your pants up, you let him in.

He paced in circles while you sat on the toilet seat tapping your foot anxiously as the minutes ticked by. For once in your two-year long friendship, you were both quiet. The phone timer beeped letting you know it was time. Jin held your hand as support as you nervously picked up one of the tests.

Jin’s arms were around you instantly “You are strong, independent, and full of life. Whether he saw it or not is not what matters, what truly matters is if you can see it. I will be there for you no matter what you choose. He is my best friend, but I know what an idiot he can be.” Tears fell from your eyes and Jin was quick to wipe them away, “It is a blessing and a curse to feel stuff so deeply. Chin up Girl, I got your back.”

                                                                                                   

* * *

 

The clinic was way too cold for the short thin robe they had given you. The smell of disinfectant burned your nostrils, making the place feel even more intimidating. Other than the white monotonous walls, there were images plastered all over the walls showing the female reproductive system in different angles making you sick to your stomach. A diagram showing the various stages of birthing in a 3d model making you tremble with utter fear from the upcoming physical pain and changes your body would have to endure, and sadly you would have to go through it all on your own.

The door opened and a tall tan man came in looking quite handsome making you quickly scramble up from the previous open legged position the doctor’s assistant had placed you in. Your face quickly turning a dark shade of red.

The doctor smiled trying to make you feel a bit more comfortable with the current situation, but his rectangular grin only making you more self-aware about the exams that were to come.

“Hello Ms. Y/N, we need to run a few tests this evening to make sure everything is going well. My name is Dr. Kim. Can you please lay down for me and make yourself comfortable, we will be doing a sonogram to figure out how far along you are today”

You only nodded, not really sure how to respond with words.

“Would you like for me to call your partner in for the sono??” he asked innocently. You assumed the nurse had told him you had been accompanied by a man.

“No, it’s okay that’s my friend Jin, the father is not…..in the picture,” you said trying to sound unaffected yet you could still hear the sorrow in your voice as you said those words.

Dr.Kim looked apologetic, “I am sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Don’t worry about it, There was no way you could’ve known. I mean I didn’t see it coming and I was with the guy for two years” you said catching the doctor a bit off guard, “Sorry sorry, too much info”

Dr.Kim just threw another of his rectangular smiles your way, “ My turn to say Don’t worry about it, or him from what I have concluded in that one sentence. How about we get on with it. This gel might be a little cold ok?”

* * *

 

 

_**Flashback** _

_You had been in a few dates with Jimin, and to be quite honest you had not expected yourself to be so drawn to such a character. He was clumsy, a bit disorganized, and he liked to be in control of the situations around him. He swept you off your feet so easily that once you had let him into your world he had conquered every corner with his eyesmile._

_“So tell me again, what was your legit very first relationship?? You have this whole player vibe going on” you said drawing your words a little as the consumed wine started overpowering the blood in your veins, making the world around you a bit hazy._

_“Me player?? Are you sure you are not talking about Jin?? To be quite honest, the only serious relationship I have had is when I dated my best childhood friend back in high school for like what seemed like forever…we keep in touch and stuff but she has her own family now” he said with eyes half-lidded obviously already affected from the alcohol as well “Her husband can be quite an asshole at times, but I can tell he loves her….I mean who wouldn’t love her”_

_“Sounds like you might still be whipped,” you said as you pretended to have a whip in your hand._

_“Nahh not whipped, but she still gets to me at times you know…..” he said taking a large gulp of his wine glass leaving it empty._

_He picked up the almost empty bottle and refilled his glass along with yours._

_You stayed quiet inspecting his facial features. Jimin was very handsome with very pronounced cheekbones and chocolate eyes you could melt right into.You wanted to bite his neck and mark him as yours, but the fear of moving too fast and scaring him away kept you at bay._

_The bluntness from the liquid courage you had allowed yourself to drown in kept making words spill out of your mouth like projectile vomiting, “Well, how many times have you had the privilege of falling in love??”_

_Jimin gave you a knowing side smirk. He knew you wanted him whether you were intoxicated or not. Drunk Jimin was a lot more carefree, you could tell just by the way he sat down with his legs wide open while his arm casually folded behind his head emphasizing his muscular arms. He raised a teasing eyebrow, “The smart question to ask would be, have you ever fallen out of love?? Falling out of love is harder than falling in love”_

_You took a sip of the remaining wine in your glass as you attempted to smirk back, “Ok then, Have you ever fallen out of love??”_

_He shook his head, “Nope” he said over popping his p._

_“A smart girl would take that as a warning and back off immediately,” you said as you stood up slowly, His eyes traveled along with your figure as you made your way towards him. His figure looked relax against your black leather couch, and the temptation that had been building up along with your drunk promiscuity giving you the extra push of bravery to sit upon his well-defined thigh. You saw his eyes widen with surprise as you leaned even more forward pressing your ass directly upon his hardening bulge causing a smile of confidence to erupt on your face. You leaned in slowly toward his ear, close enough to surely graze it with every word that came out of your mouth, your hot breath tickling his skin causing goosebumps to arise, “Much to your luck, I am one of the smart ones that likes taking risks”_

_His eyes met yours, and before you knew it his lips were smashed against yours as his hands made their way to your waist as he gripped onto it for dear life. His nails digging with need and want as your figure rocked back and forth on his thigh hoping to ease the burning ache in your core._

_His mouth left yours trailing open mouth kisses towards your hairline that bordered your ear, his hot breath now fanning the sensitive skin on your neck “Well aren’t I one lucky son of a bitch”_  

* * *

 

 

A repeating static thump snapped you back to reality as your eyes glued themselves to the monitor that currently displayed what appeared to be circles and squiggles. Your eyebrows furrowed confused at the image, completely frightened that something might be wrong. Dr. Kim wiggled the wand he had placed in your stomach a little more and then the image switched into two unequal looking circles along with what looked like a jellybean. The thumping grew faster along with something that sounded like an echo.

A smile appeared automatically upon your face, “Is that my baby??”

Dr. Kim rectangular grin appeared lighting up the whole room with his cheerfulness, “Actually, those are your babies.”

                                                                   

* * *

 

The dim light of the last rays of sun lit the way back to the place your feet had unconsciously dragged you several times before, but this time it was different. You knew where you were going. You knew you wanted to go back to him. After you had gotten a copy of your twins’ sonograms you had run out of the clinic without thinking about any repercussions. You needed him, now more than ever. A naive and hopeful part of you hoping that the growing miracles in your belly would light up a purpose in his heart to move on from what had been and run forward to embrace you and his future little family. You could already picture babies with his eyes and smile, they were going to be beautiful.  The chill in the air was dropping as the dew from the evening now pricked upon the skin on your face. The big hoodie that had once been his engulfing your frame, his scent still lingering strongly on the fabric warming you up in more ways than one way.

Your brain was still debating with your heart whether this was the right thing to do or not, but as your hand grazed the film paper on the pocket of the baggy hoodie your heart gained points only causing your feet to go on forward faster. The urge to jump into his arms and kiss his soft plump pink lips the reward you were looking forward to at the end of this journey.

Your goal was at arm’s reach. The park you had visited on several occasions during your evening walks and Nataly’s countless of visits was now in plain view. The grass looked greener than last time you had walked along this path.

The sound of a familiar giggle stopped you right on your tracks, the tree that had served as a shadow during the sizzling summer days serving now as a camouflage in order to scratch the itch of curiosity. The hoodie now covering your hair as you positioned your body to fit properly behind the tree so you wouldn’t be spotted.

Your eyes sought the source of the laugh that had triggered the uneasiness that was now clouding your previous judgment.

“You are it JIMIN!” you heard a high-pitched voice scream freezing you in place. Your heart shattering once again as you saw Jimin’s figure run around to the front of the slide as Stephany with Nataly in her lap made her way down the yellow trail only to be tackled by a careful soft hug from the man you had previously been running to. Your brain was now trying to take over your actions imploring you to go back to Jin’s and forget this stupid decision, but your masochistic stubborn heart prohibiting you to walk away. Jimin’s grin was bright, the happiness that radiated off of him as he twirled the little girl in circles as she giggled cutely. He was happy. That is all that should matter right?? He had moved on. You had been resenting him for not letting go of Stephany yet here you were holding on to him with a death grip. Missing him to you came like waves, and most of the days you felt like you were drowning. Some egotistical part of you was hoping to walk into a scene like the one Jin had painted of him suffering as if he was in the deepest level of hell without you.

That was not the case.

He was happy.

He was happy without you.

You were going to have to learn how to be happy without him as well.

You needed to be happy if not for you for the 4 little feet that will follow your footsteps in this life.

It was time to let Jimin go.

Once more you turned your back on the man you loved, but this time you had company. Rubbing your slightly swollen belly you took the first step towards your future without Jimin in it.

                                                         

* * *

 

Preggo pops were the best invention created by man, whoever said electricity or the internet had obviously never been pregnant. You had declared yourself an addict after Jin had given up on his so-called “home remedies” and caved in on buying some in the pharmacy on the way home. The days had seemed to fly by as you were consumed between work, finding a new apartment, and reading parenthood books Jin had been bringing home.

Jimin kept calling. Every day you’d wake up you would seek your phone to find missed calls and texts. There was an unknown fear within you that one day you would wake up to nothing. As much as you wanted to walk away from what had been Park Jimin you hated the idea of him moving on. The small part of him that you had claimed as yours was something you were not quite ready to give up. Those mornings you had spent in bed under the blankets kissing his face all over until you were blessed by his brown irises was one of many memories you visited at times where loneliness sneaked up on you. It had been one month, and even though the addiction of having him next to you was way long from over, you had found ways to deviate the cravings from his voice….his kisses….his hugs.

“Yellow’ Jin said as he begged once again for you to accompany him to the baby store, you hadn’t even found out the sex of the babies yet he had already gone to more than one shopping spree for nursery items, “We can get yellow neutral clothes please (y/n)” he said giving you puppy eyes with a lovely pout as an add-on.

“Fine, but as soon as I see you buy something overly glittery I am walking out of the store” you replied as you grabbed your bag. Your already small protruding belly forming a cute small bump. You were 16 weeks today. It was 4 weeks ago that you had been told you were pregnant and Jin had scolded you relentlessly due to your lack of self-awareness for going so far along with the pregnancy and not knowing about it. Prenatal vitamins and birthing books were dumped in your bed the night you had found out, a complimentary gift from your temporary roommate. He had been trying to hold conversations with your belly as well stating that his nephews/nieces need to be accustomed to his voice before birth so it can facilitate the situation if he ever were to babysit on his own.

“Also, your birthing classes start tomorrow at 8am, I know you hate mornings, but they were the cheapest ones I could find” he said practically dragging you into the store that had a giant pacifier as a logo, “We have 30 minutes to shop before we have to take off to your appointment. I am so excited to find out whether you are having dudes or dudettes”

“Jin they might not even be able to tell me the sex yet, it all depends on the positioning of the baby,” you said as you browsed through the ducky onesies on the sales rack.

“I am pretty sure they will not be shy about it and just flash the sonogram camera thing whether they have a peepee or not. I mean their father is Park Jimin, and that man barely freaking puts on a shirt and let me not get started on those tight motherfucking pants……they leave nothing to the imagination.”

The mention of Jimin’s name forming a sour taste in your mouth, the sudden urge to ball your eyes smacking you like a freight train. Jin’s face distorted as he realized his mistake.

“No no no no no, sorry (y/n) please don’t cry….I will buy you ice cream after the appointment,” he replied trying to bribe you.

The cravings for sweet cheesecake with strawberries ice cream shooing away your urge to cry, “Fine but I get two scoops”

Jin just nodded as he put a comforting arm around your frame urging you towards the next aisle, both of you completely clueless of the set of brown eyes that have followed you both along since you entered the store.

                                                                                           

* * *

 

The fantasy that had been engraved in your head from a very young age of the future was modeled after a Disney movie. The house, job, family, and happy ending with everything and prince charming in real life was a mere figment of what society liked to claim as the norm. You tried to convince yourself over and over again that you could do this on your own, but in the mornings where your stomach decided to act up and take you straight to the toilet, you wished Jimin was right beside you holding your hair back as he would rub your back tenderly to soothe your burning esophagus. The one-sided pep talks you gave yourself had become a daily routine, and as your stomach grew the monotony of it had you desperately clinging onto your pillow screaming out your frustrations hoping Jin wouldn’t be a witness of the mess that was you.

Your palms were sweaty with anticipation as you waited for Dr.Kim to come in. Jin had decided to stay outside claiming he was not very fond of medical offices. The door opened and an already smiling doctor came in, his happiness contagious as your own mouth formed into a grin.

“Are you ready for this??!” He said sounding like a cheerleader full of energy.

You picked up your shirt ready to be doused with the cold gel from the previous time.

He put on his circular glasses, scrunched up his sleeves, and right as the cold gel made contact with your skin the door opened wide.

The smiling doctor’s face contorted to one of annoyance, “What have I said about knocking??” His deep voice said sending a bit of chills down your spine. Your eyes snapped up to the figure that stood frozen in place by the door.

Surprise, happiness and hate alternatively, and complete disbelieve surged through your body. Jimin stood before you, his hair disheveled and shirt untucked, a slight smudge of blood on his collar.

He smiled nervously as he wiped his hands on his jeans, “Hi, I’m Jimin….the father?” Jimin said asking more than stating.

Dr.Kim turned to face you, the questioning in his eyes as clear as day, while on the contrary yours were muddled over between desire, fear, and aberration.

You nodded at Dr.Kim not quite sure if to trust your mouth to form coherent words.

Jimin took that as an invitation to walk in and sit on the empty seat beside you. The shift in the room was obvious to the point where Dr.Kim’s smile was not enough to lighten up the mood anymore.

Your heart was tugging you to acknowledge the man sitting next to you, the one you had been longing for weeks on end, but your brain had taken control as a defense mechanism and ignored your erratic heartbeat. Your eyes were solely focused on the monitor where you were once again going to see your two little nuggets. The wand was firmly pressing against your belly, the image on the screen this time was not in different shades of green, but instead had an orange tinge to it.

“This is called a 3d ultrasound, and this should help determine the biological sex of the babies,” Dr.Kim said as he stirred his hand around your belly. You could see a glimpse of Jimin leaning in closer to you and the monitor, but you still hadn’t gathered enough emotional strength to look his way, much less make eye contact.

“Babies??” Jimin asked his eyes now staring at your belly openly.

Dr. Kim rolled his eyes at Jimin causing a small giggle to come out of your lips “Yeah as in plural”

The figures of two skinny babies popped up in the screen catching you by surprise, the image from last time was distorted and quite a challenge to decipher, but in this one, the babies looked less like blobs and more like actual tiny babies. The little arms and legs moved around wildly as if they were busting a move inside your stomach.

Tears formed unconsciously in your eyes, a warm hand fitting into yours, and just for a little bit you were going to let your heart take over. You allowed yourself to interlace your fingers around his softly enough to not make it harder for you when you would have to eventually let go.

Dr.Kim eyed your hands and gave you both a small smile, “ You see these lines here” he said pointing at the screen. Jimin and you nodded, “Baby A lady and gentleman is a girl”

Jimin squealed happily beside you as if the present situation of your relationship did not matter as his lips kissed your knuckles.

“Now baby B is being a bit shy, but…..” Dr.Kim said wiggling the wand looking object again, “ There you go….. Baby B…. Is a Boy”

“We are having a boy and a girl!!!” Jimin said no longer walking on eggshells as he captured your lips in a kiss. You froze not reciprocating, but Jimin didn’t care he just rested his forehead against yours. You felt the skin tingle where his touch, but you were unsure of whether it was a positive reaction as flashbacks of him running around happily at the park came to mind. You let go of his hand and quickly faced the doctor trying to assimilate as if the rejected contact was just distancing for a question. Your hand dropped Jimin’s as if was made out of lava which he was quick to notice, unlike the oblivious Dr.Kim.

“But are they healthy??” You asked trying to make your tone sound leveled as if you could properly manage your emotions in the presence of Jimin.

“They both are as healthy as can be. Don’t forget to eat properly and take your prenatal. I will see you back in 4 weeks. Twin pregnancies tend to be a bit more high risk than single, so make sure to keep in contact if anything feels out of the ordinary. My assistant up front will have a copy of your sonograms for you guys to take home. I hope you have a good day, and congrats on your baby boy and baby girl!”

Dr.Kim walked towards Jimin and shook his hand “Congrats, you have a beautiful family”

Jimin just smiled his eyes turning a slight shade of pink as he sniffled almost inaudibly, “I know. Thank you”

Dr. Kim just waved one last bye and left out the door leaving you both alone.

The realization of Jimin being here settling in and just like a bomb you started your internal countdown. You needed to get out of there before you exploded. You stood up and wiped your belly clean out of the sticky liquid. Not one word had been said since the doctor had stepped out, and even if you had rehearsed a planned script in case of a similar scenario happening you were at a blank. Your emotions tangling up inside, squeezing out any remaining air out of your lungs, making it hard to breathe. Jimin just stood in silence not really sure of how to proceed, he had definitely acted on impulse and the loving reunion he had imagined was blown over as soon as he entered the room and noticed your cold stare on him. He had fucked up, and even if he didn’t quite understand what had triggered you to end things he knew he wanted you back.

You walked out of the room as soon as you had collected all your belongings and double checked you hadn’t left anything behind. Jimin followed close, but did not say a word as you scheduled your next appointment, received the sonogram copies, and walked out of the building. Even if nothing was being said you could feel yourself growing more and more irritated with everything he did. Why did he make you feel like this? He had done nothing, yet you felt so small and worthless in his presence. The wound he had left had reopened and you had to muster all of your power to hold back your tears. At the same time though you wanted to run into his arms, kiss his mouth and nibble on his bottom lip, you wanted him sleeping next to you and have his hand rub your growing tummy as you welcomed sleep, but that was a fantasy…. That was a dream…

You walked out of the clinic fuming, ready to full on confront the betrayer known as Jin, only to be met by a bruised-up puppy face replacing his usual smug one.

“What happened to you??” You said as you pulled him out of the car to examine his busted nose and cheek closer. Jin closed his eyes with your soothing touch then quickly backed away looking at Jimin behind you.

“I can explain” you heard Jimin speak out finally.

You turned around to face him even more furious than before, “You better have a goddamn good explanation to why you beat your best friend up”

“I misinterpreted the whole situation. When I saw him with you at the store and then here….. I just thought the worse, but he explained, and we are good now” he said trying to reach out towards you.

You looked at him disbelievingly “We are good now??? Is that how it is??? We are anything but good Jimin. Actually, we have been bad from the start, but I have been blinded by my love for you. Making me a fool. I now have two little someones to be strong for. I am done waiting for you. I have always put you first, but to you, I was always on the sidelines.”

Jimin stepped forward trying to grasp your hand that had unconsciously turned into a firm fist. You backed away instantly.

“(Y/N), please just let me know what I can do to fix this…. fix us,” Jimin said taking a step once again towards you.

“Don’t you get it Jimin??? I have given you two whole years to fix it. To fix yourself. I tried to give you all my love. My heart was in your fucking hands and you crushed and stomped on it every time Stephany called and you dropped me to go to her” you said wiping the tears in your face angrily, “ Let me go Jimin. I need you to let me go, so I can stop hurting and move on. I need to stop with the illusion that one day you will choose me over her. That you will love me more.”

Jimin was now in tears as he looked at you falling apart all because of him. You could see the internal struggle as he picked up his hand and dropped it several times, “but I love you more. I do….. I am sorry I didn’t show it….but I love you (y/n) more than anything in this world please forgive me…. Please give me a chance….. Come back with me. We can paint the guest room as a nursery or even find a bigger apartment for our little family”

“No” you heard yourself say coldly not really wanting to process his words, for once everything that spilled out of his mouth was not of importance, “I am done Jimin. It takes more than just words and compliments to show someone you love them. You are not a five-year-old who can draw me a heart and make everything better.” You replied turning your back to him. You were about to walk towards Jin’s car when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Tears falling against your bare shoulder.

“Please don’t leave me again….please don’t walk away” Jimin whispered continuously in your ear. Your walls were about to fall apart, you could feel yourself about to crumble. As soon as you felt your knees about to buckle in, from all the emotional stress being thrown at you, another pair of arms straightened you up and lightly pushed Jimin away.

“You are my best friend….you have been for years Jimin, but I need you to back off. You have caused enough damage with your stupid bullshit games. It takes more than a few sweet words to gain forgiveness. You don’t have to tell her or scream out you love her, you need to show it. And so far, all you have displayed for her to see is how much of a fucking coward you are letting yourself be dragged along like a fucking puppy. When we first met (y/n) I knew she was special, and I knew she was what you needed to learn what something raw and real felt like…. But I was a fool. You have hurt her, and I am done watching. Jimin be a man, before someone else takes your place” Jin said as he took your small hand in his and walked you to the passenger door of his car helping you in. Jin walked back to where Jimin stood still frozen in place with a trail of tears traveling down his beautiful face. The ache in your heart growing with intensity from the incapability of soothing his pain. You wanted nothing more than to run out of the car and kiss Jimin’s pain away, but it was too late. There was no remedy for the broken heart that was buried within your chest, the antidote was the same poison that had damaged it in the first place, Jimin, and you were not strong enough to go through that again.

You could see Jin telling Jimin something as he patted his shoulder. Jimin’s eyes found yours, but you were quick to turn away. Not even a few seconds later Jin came into the car, his bruised nose looking worse than it had been previously, your hands traveled once again to softly caress it, “idiot”

He chuckled, “Be nice or this idiot won’t buy you the ice cream he owes you”

“Jin at this point you owe me a whole freaking ice cream shop, so shut up and hurry to the nearest creamery my kiddos are starving,” you said trying to hide the way your words wavered with unshed tears. You could feel Jimin’s gaze still on you, but you refused to give in this time.

                                                                             

* * *

 

 

It was 8am, Jin was late and the irritation from the constant invasion of space from your birthing class instructor had you on the verge of yanking your hair out. She had been rubbing your belly so often that you were wondering how a genie had not appeared before you already. The place was crowded with several couples, some whom already had started breathing heavily in a synchronized manner in the mats. You sighed completely flag stabbed at the fact that you were unwillingly taking these cheesy classes only to be stood up by the person who signed you up for them in the first place. You bit your nails nervously as everyone took a seat in their assigned spots. You walked reluctantly to your own hot pink yoga mat and took out your phone angrily.

 

 

> **Jin, you are so dead-**
> 
> **(y/n) 8:05**

The door of the classroom opened and once again to your surprise Jimin stood there wearing comfy basketball shorts, a white shirt, and a black snapback. To say he looked absolutely stunning when he dressed laid back was an understatement. The muscles from his abdomen could be clearly seen through the translucent white shirt as he made his way towards you.

“Sorry, I am late” he whispered as he sat beside you.

You took out your phone angrily once again.

 

 

> **SEOKJIN YOU ARE DEAD MEAT X 2**
> 
> **(y/n) 8:07**

You turned to face Jimin now, he could tell you were about to detonate, but before you could cuss him right there and then the instructor started the lesson.

“Welcome Mommies and Daddies to Birthing 101. I hope you all are having a spectacular day. Let’s start from the top like many of you probably did to start this journey” the blond preppy instructor said as she winked an eye suggestively to the class.

Torture. This was going to be absolute torture.

30 minutes in and you already had successfully achieved the art of ignoring Jimin perfectly.

Lie. That was an absolute Lie. You were dying internally, the urge to slap him across the face then ride him till he filled you up with his hot seed was temptation at its best.

You had not gotten laid since Jimin, and from what you have read in several websites and books it is normal to be a horny pregnant woman….something to do with hormones.

Hormones…..it was their fault, not yours. You did not want Jimin. Your hormones did.

“(y/n), How far in between do your contractions have to be, to be classified as active labor?” the instructor asked clearly noticing your lack of attention.

You nervously bit your lip and were about to answer until Jimin took over, “3 minutes apart lasting 1 minute….but that is not what concerns me….what is this about her cervix opening 8-10 centimeters….and tearing down there?? Like is that even…….that is ….. Ow!”

The instructor giggled at Jimin’s reaction the jealous green monster inside of you about to jump out to tell the instructor to get her own fucking jokester, this idiot was yours. The thing though was that Jimin was not yours. Not anymore.

“Yes, that is correct. Fully dilated is 10 cm and sometimes if needed they will cut to allow more space for the baby. Don’t worry too much about it though, she doesn’t look very phased. You have a brave girl Jimin. Now this is the end, for now, see you again same time next week”

You stood up and took off faster than the road runner. Your feet working up a step to get away as fast as possible from Jimin, but much to your already sour luck he caught up with you and grasped your wrist.

“What are you doing??” you asked as you ripped away your wrist from his hand. The spot where his hand had touch craving more than a few seconds of contact.

“(y/n), please listen to me, I really want to make us work okay?? I love you, please give me another chance” he said as he once again dived in for your hand.

“Jimin, it’s not that easy for me. You are incapable of seeing what is wrong, and I am not in the best place right now” you said trying to be civil with the boy. He had just endured the worse lecture in his life, he deserved at least that, “What are you doing here??”

Jimin looked at you confused, “They are my babies too (Y/N), I want to be there for them and you. I keep remembering everything you told me, how I acted, and I am so ashamed of what I made you go through. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry. Please, one more chance. If I can’t make you happy I will personally find a way to kick my own balls. You deserve the world. Let me give it to you” he said as his arms encircled your waist. The heat of his body against yours bringing memories, some that you wanted to treasure and some that you much rather just throw away. He kissed your forehead softly and then the tip of your nose, “Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually. Let me try”

Tired. You were tired of fighting with your heart. The tears that spilled over were a mixture of happy and sad ones. You couldn’t start this new chapter in your life if you kept re-reading the last page. Expectations that came in your relationship with Jimin had always been flexible due to Stephany, and you realized too late that by even attempting to have them you were setting yourself and Jimin up for failure.

“If I had treated you the way you had treated me, you would hate me. Just because I let you go, doesn’t mean I wanted to. One more chance Jimin, but please I ask of you……”

“I love you, and I will make damn sure I show you how much,” he said as he finally lowered his head and attempted to kiss your lips.

Your brain decided to function at that very moment, “No Jimin, wait. Not so fast, I will move back in with you and we will see from there okay??”

Jimin backed away a bit and nodded looking a bit disappointed, “Right now I will take anything I can get”

                                                                 

* * *

 

 

To say things were awkward would be an understatement. Jimin had given you the master bedroom claiming you would be a lot more comfortable if you had your own private restroom. It had been two weeks and your relationship with Jimin felt strained. He was a complete gentleman making you breakfast and dinner without you asking. The initiative that had not been there before clearly made an appearance as he brought your favorite flowers or donuts, yet the more he did for you the more frightened you were to let him in. Sometimes at night when you tippy-toed your way to the kitchen, you made sure to check if the coast was clear, you didn’t know if your heart could handle seeing Jimin having a moment with Stephany. Your masochistic ears sometimes seeking the silence for the possibility of a secret conversation between the two of them exchanging an ‘I miss you’

Stephany was MIA. You noticed that the third week you had been back at your apartment. No calls, surprise visits, or mentions of her. The daily text messages that had become a routine activity a while back were no more. You needed a break from anything her, and finally, the heavens were listening.

Today the stress from work had gotten the best of you, a flood of tears accompanied you home. When the front door of your apartment opened to the face of a smiling Jin you jumped right into his arms, completely forgetting that it meant Jimin was in as well.

“Ohh no darling what happened to you??” Jin said as he patted your hair like a mother would to their crying child.

You hiccupped, “Would you believe me if I told you I already forgot what I was crying for in the first place??”

Jin shook his head at you while laughing, “You are even a bigger wreck than you were before, how is that even possible??”

You were about to argue back until you realized you had no clue why Jin was visiting, “What are you even doing here??”

“Thank you for the hospitality, actually I am here because Jimin did an oopsie I need to fix”

You pushed Jin away from the entrance and stomped your way into the living room where a distraught Jimin sat surrounded by light pink clothes. You recognized some as your previously white undergarments. Jimin looked frightened as he saw your presence now skimming through the disaster he had made.

“I am sorry. So sorry, please don’t cry. Jin said you would probably cry all day long and I really don’t want that. I’ll fix them. I’ll make them white again” He said trying to scoop all the clothes up causing even a bigger mess.

Before you knew it you were in a full-blown fit of giggles. Your sides aching as you saw Jimin’s bewildered face. You had not even smiled his way since you had been back and here you were looking similar to a hyena.

Jin walked towards Jimin assisting him in picking up the clothes that were sprawled out on the floor, “Yah Jimin, I’ll take care of this. How about you take (y/n) out for a date”

You were about to say no until you noticed the way Jin smirked towards Jimin. Jimin looked lost but did not hesitate to walk towards you to grab your hand and pull you through the door.

“We will be back later”, Jimin said as he pulled you away into the outside world.

                                                                                 

* * *

 

This was a setup. You were more than sure this had been an evil scheme on their behalf. Jimin had dragged you to watch a chick flick you had been wanting to see at the movies, and he magically already had tickets for the sold-out showing.

He bought you all of your favorite snacks and carried them all for you.

Pleasant, everything had been easy going to the point of where you let him hold your hand as you walked back to the apartment. The lights flashing from the city illuminating his side profile as if he was a fairy.

You were still completely head over heels in love with him. There was no way of denying the way your heartbeat went all erratic with every smile he threw your way.

You arrived to an empty apartment, the scent of roses and your favorite Chinese dish shocking you. As soon as the door closed you turned towards Jimin only to find him on one knee.

Your heart dropped.

No this couldn’t be happening.

“(y/n), I know I have messed up time and time again, but after having to go some time without you beside me I realized one thing…. I can’t be without you. I need you. I want to be with you forever. Love is a scary thing. It changes every day. It can disappear in the blink of an eye. But I am not scared of love when it comes to you. I am willing to take this risk with you, and I know I haven’t been good at demonstrating how much you mean to me, but I promise …no I swear I will make that my life mission. Please…..be my wife…..give me the chance of making you happy for the rest of your life. I want to have the rest of my life with memories of us together. I love you. Please be my wife” Jimin said with tears in his eyes and a soft smile on his face as he pulled out the most beautiful rose shaped ring with a red ruby in the middle.

Tears filled your eyes blurring Jimin and the dreams you had of spending an eternity with him, “No” you choked out,

Your heart shattered as you saw him looking around the room helplessly, obviously trying to gather up words to formulate a plan b to get you to say yes.

“(Y/N), I love you… What can I do? please tell me what I can do??” Jimin said borderline falling apart in front of you. Tears had started falling from his gorgeous brown eyes, and his lips were extra swollen and rosy from the endless amount of nervous lip biting.

“Nothing Jimin, You don’t have to do this. Whether we are together or not they are still your babies. I will not keep them away from you. You are their dad as much as I am their mom” you said as you made your way to the couch. You couldn’t be near him right now. You needed space, but he didn’t seem to get it as he stood up and walked towards you.

“That is not it at all, I love you. I want to be married to you because I love YOU!” he said with a tinge of sadness and frustration in his voice. He ran his hand through his hair another nervous habit of his.

You looked into his eyes, the patience that you had been able to keep up from the moment he proposed evaporated. You grasped his face in-between your hands, and then you let it all out, “Jimin, no, you don’t love me. You half love me. You only fully love me when she is not around, and even then I am pretty sure every thought in your head is not about me. I am not the one for you Jimin, I never have been. Can’t you see that?? I am not enough. Maybe one day you will find a girl who will be good enough for you to steal away all the love you have within you and only have it for herself, no one else. Every time I saw you with her I acted like it was not a big deal when in reality it was breaking my heart. That isn’t living, that is suicidal. I felt like a part of me was dying every time I saw you smiling at her. Sometimes I wish you could read my mind so you could have a better understanding of what goes through it. Jimin I am not going to say yes because I know that as much as I want the rest of my life to be spent with you by my side….. I am not willing to do it unless I won’t have to share you with anyone else. I want to marry you Jimin. I have dreamed of marrying you for awhile, but I can’t….. not like this.”

“(y/n), is just you… I swear …just you” Jimin said between sobs.

You tore your eyes away from his and looked at the floor, “Ruby….why a ruby?”

“Your birthstone”, Jimin replied completely sure of his answer.

You smiled at him bitterly, “Sapphire…..mine is sapphire….. Stephany’s was a ruby”

Jimin looked down at the black box that he still had in his hands, “ I am sorry I’ll change it, I am not very knowledgeable about this kind of stuff. I am so sorry.  I didn’t mean it like that”

You looked back into his eyes and held his hand in yours, you breathed in deeply, “Jimin I love you”

“I love you too” he replied instantly.

“Jimin, how many times have you fallen out of love??” you said completely serious.  Your face emotionless.

Jimin looked into your eyes with a glint of guilt you could see masked through his brown irises.

His cellphone rang snapping you both out of the minute of silence that had been haunting the apartment.

He looked from his phone to you alternatively, he shifted on the couch uncomfortably as his phone call went to voicemail.

You stood up reluctantly giving him your back as you walked towards the room, your heart aching from the flat out rejection you had given him, and yet you still had strength enough to utter one more sentence, “You should call her back”


	3. You...it was always you (JIMIN'S POV INBH)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a request 
> 
> Here you go sweety!! 
> 
> (This story will take place right after the restaurant scene. Where Jimin comes back to find the restaurant closed)
> 
> Pairing: Jimin X Reader
> 
> Rating: M
> 
> Genre: Angst/ Romance
> 
> Words: 1.7k
> 
> Author’s Note: 
> 
> Sorry for any grammar mistakes, once again I only did a quick edit. I will go back and edit some more. If you find something that is super wrong let me know and I will fix it right away. Thank you for reading :D
> 
> I hope you guys like it !!
> 
> Leave feedback and Let me know what you think :)

>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
>  
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> **  
>  **
>
>> _Sorry. Stephany broke her foot while going down the stairs of her apartment. She needed someone to drive her to the hospital. I will make it up to you. I promise._
>> 
>> _Sent 1:37am_
> 
> His vision obscured around the edges, his tunnel vision focusing on the lone 'closed' sign that hung from the dim building. There wasn’t a single soul inside the restaurant. 
> 
> He had fucked up. He had left without thinking about any future consequences. He needed to be there for Stephany, she had sounded so afraid. She hadn't been clear on what dilemma she had stumbled upon, her words had been muffled by uncontrollable sobs that triggered his erratic decision to leave his date behind.
> 
> To be quite honest he had completely forgotten about you, and now he felt awful. On the way back from the hospital flashes of your tear stained face came off and on causing a knot to form on his throat.
> 
> The heaviness of the black box on his pocket grew heavier and heavier with every step he had taken towards the now closed establishment.
> 
> His cowardly fingers skipping over your name, scrolling directly towards the restaurant’s phone number. The operator’s voice sounded as if the devil was condemning him to hell as it played on repeat their business’ hours.
> 
> Jimin’s shoulders sagged with disappointment, he was embarrassed by his actions. He had a tendency of always overreacting when it came to Stephany. He had done it from a very young age, so it was like an automatic reaction to run to her whenever he thought she was in trouble, but something in his gut told him today he had gone too far this time.
> 
> He knew you were understanding. That is one of the things he loved the most about you, you had been the only person in his life who hadn’t even batted an eyelash when you discovered the peculiar attachment Stephany had with him.
> 
> He took a deep breath as he dialed your phone number, the only one he knew by memory now at days.
> 
> The voicemail loud and clear on the other side of the line instantly made him feel as if a ton of rocks had fallen on him. Once again his feet reacted before his brain as he took off with a sprint, leaving his car behind.
> 
> His lungs could barely keep up with the rhythm of his heartbeat. The heartbeat that only beats for you and you only. The only thing that kept replaying in his mind as encouragement to keep running was that of your smile in the mornings as he woke you up with an endless amount of kisses, and your scent of sweet vanilla, the one he fell asleep to every night.
> 
> His phone vibrated in his pocket causing a dim light of hope to shine through the darkness that had already clouded his mind. He slowed down to a walk as he scooped out his phone. He was about fifteen minutes away from home at this point. The car would’ve been faster, it was the second time that night that he had deeply regretted his impulsive decisions.
>
>> _No more Promises. Bye_
>> 
>> _Y/N 3:00am_
> 
>  
> 
> Jimin was confused, but not in a good way. He knew he had messed up, but you had never been a person of a few words. You had always been loud and clear, voicing what you wanted of him out loud without restraints, at least that’s what he had thought…..until now.
> 
> His fingers trembled as he typed up a text, his speed slowing a bit with fear of what he was about to face when he finally arrived at his destination. The mere thought of losing you was sending a sharp pain through his heart. He couldn’t bear the thought of a life without you by his side. He had grown dependent on you, you were a part of his world. You had become his world.
> 
>  
>
>> _What do you mean??  
>   
>  Sent 3:01am (Read)_
> 
> You had read his message but had not answered back. The anticipation that was now drowning him, making it harder and harder to breathe by the minute. He jogged past a few streets as he waited and prayed for a response, he had decided to try once again.
>
>> _Y/N, what are you saying???  
>   
>  Sent 3:04am(Read)_
> 
> His brain had grown numb at this point, the high accumulation of thoughts that had been running through his mind had brought him to a breaking point. He was clueless about what the future would bring, but that did not stop the tears that had started traveling down his face slowly.
> 
> Read….You had left him in ‘read’ again. His desperation was clear to the few spectators who saw him running down the street like a madman. The oncoming cars looked like fluffy pillows compared to the nightmares that had visited him while awake as he ran nonstop towards you.
>
>> _Y/N!  
>   
>  Sent 3:07am (Read)_
> 
> ‘Just a few more minutes’ he repeated to himself as he saw his building growing closer and closer. He was almost there. His legs were trembling with exhaustion, but that did not stop him.
>
>> _I am coming home  
>  Sent 3:13am (Read)_
> 
> He was almost there. The elevator was taking too long, so he pushed himself a bit more and sped 7 floors up the emergency stairs.
> 
> His hands were shaking uncontrollably as he tried fitting the key inside the lock. He didn’t want to knock or ring the doorbell in case you might already be asleep. He finally was able to turn the knob, slamming the door open with desperation. His thought process, not coherent, as he left the door wide open behind him, not giving a single fuck if someone would come in and rob him at this point.
> 
> The door to your shared room was closed, but as he opened it up he realized his biggest fear had come true, you were not home.
> 
> There was a part of him worrying about your safety, what if you had never made it home…..but his intuition kept trying to scream reason to his mind….you were gone. He went back to the living room to see if you might’ve left a note behind.
> 
> The keys.
> 
> Your keys were neatly placed on the kitchen counter. No note. No message.
> 
> Your purse and sweater were missing from their usual spot beside the chimney.
> 
> He ran back into his room. His hair falling messily over his eyes, obstructing his sight every now and then, but right now that was not of importance. He ripped the closet doors open to discover your side empty. There was not even a lone sock left behind.
> 
> His clothes looked lonely without your messy wardrobe beside them.
>
>> _Where are you, babe???!  
>   
>  Sent 3:42am_
> 
> You were gone. You had left.
> 
> Jimin did not give up, he looked in every single drawer, in between the sheets, and underneath the bed for a sign of your presence in this lonely apartment that no longer felt like home to him.
> 
> He was worried. You shouldn’t have left so late at night on your own. He knew you rarely talked to old friends now at days. He wanted you to come back. He wanted to know you were safe.
> 
> He sat on the sofa, running through scenarios in his head, wondering where and who you were going to sleep with tonight.
> 
> His tears were now falling uncontrollably. He dialed you over and over again without success. He needed to know you were fine. That you were safe. That you were not hurt.
> 
> He had fucked up. He was not worthy of you. He knew that now, but he wanted you back. He was selfish. He wanted one more chance.
> 
> He had planted himself into this mess by not being there for you when you needed him the most. Jimin knew he had been fucking up every now and then, but he still acted stupidly. He had been confident you would always be waiting for him patiently and forgiving. He was wrong. He had lost. He had lost you.
> 
> Jimin had broken you. He had broken your love and trust.
> 
> He did not have his priorities in order, and now he might’ve just lost the most beautiful person life had given him. You.
> 
> You deserved better. You deserved someone better than him.
> 
> You deserved to be with someone who had everything in his life stable without any variables that could ruin your love.
> 
> Jin had always scolded him, about how much Jimin took you for granted.
> 
> Jimin should’ve listened. He was about to lose you.
> 
> Jin. Jin must know where you were. Jin and you had been close, he had become one of your closest friends when you started dating Jimin.
> 
> The dial tone rang twice before he heard a voice whisper “Jimin??”
> 
> “Jin, please tell me (y/n) is with you” Jimin pleaded with him, a sob escaped interlaced with his words.
> 
> Jin took a deep breath on the other side of the line and let out a sigh, a clear indication that his suspicions were true, “I have no idea what you are talking about”
> 
> “Please let me talk to her. Tell her I am sorry. Tell her I love her. I will make it up to her. I am sorry. I did wrong. It was a mistake….I didn’t mean to…” Jimin continued as he cried into the phone.
> 
> “You mean your Mistakes...as in plural right??” Jin’s voice came out harsher than before, “She is safe, and that is all I will let you know. I think you did more than enough at this point Jimin…..LET ...HER….BE”
> 
> Jimin sobbed with a whispered, “I love her”
> 
> “She loves you too….She loves you too much Jimin….If you love her Jimin….if you truly do… you should know what would be the best thing for her at this point” Jin said, his voice sounding a lot softer now.
> 
> “I Know” Jimin whispered as he heard a click and then silence. The phone line now dead as he repeated “I know” over and over again as tears fell down his face.
> 
> He closed the door of the apartment slowly, you were not coming back.
> 
> He had lost you.
> 
>  

* * *

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M: Sexual Scenes and Languages that might not be appropriate for all ages.
> 
> Word Count: 4k+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: SORRY I TOOK SO LONG AGAIN!!!  Please don’t hate me too much.   
> For all of you who don’t know..... I work a lot. I work in EMS so my shifts are 24  hours at times...and I am really tired. I try not to write if I feel forced too since I feel like I do a poor job at it. I only write when in the mood and am inspired. Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to write the best I could for all of you lovelies!  
> SORRY FOR THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!! I couldn’t post the edited version since it didn’t want to copy and paste, so I edited it on my own real quick. I will edit more if needed(like always)  
> Also to be honest when you all message me or like the story and stuff it encourages me to write lol. 

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* * *

 

The smell of freshly baked pancakes wafted through your room dragging you out of you sleeping state and onto the front of your door like a moth to a flame. The doorknob felt heavy in your hand, as you stood quietly behind the piece of wood that was serving as not just a divider but as a sort of shield between you and Jimin.  You feared the tension that was sure to be present due to the event that had taken place last night. The “what if’s”, mixed with regret and bitterness from having to reject the one you loved had kept you up through most of the night. You had pictured Jimin kneeling before you several times before throughout your relationship, but never in your wildest dreams had you imagined saying no. Reality sucked, and as much as you had hoped for your happily ever after to include him as your knight in shining armor you knew he was anything but.

You forced yourself to head back to bed dragging your feet as if they weighed a ton each. An ache of hunger that had grown quickly in the pit of your stomach anchoring you to the ground as you pushed your way to move forward to the empty cold bed.

Emptiness. That was not only a horrible sight but a horrible feeling.

You laid back down on your assigned side of the bed out of habit. You closed your eyes tightly as the whirlwind of emotions triggered the morning sickness you had been battling now these days. Your hand extended tracing over the wrinkles of the bed sheet beside you, the spot that had once belonged to him. You could still picture his groggy looking expression as you kissed him over and over all over his face until you were blessed with a glimpse of his brown irises staring straight into yours full of love. Love that during those mornings you were more than sure belonged to only you. The chilly sunrises that were spent wrapped in each other’s arms as he sang into your ear were the most cherished, and yet when you replayed them in your memory, were the ones that made you feel the loneliest. The fool within you begging you to pull Jimin into bed where he belonged cradling you every night.

The front door slamming closed woke you up from your delusions. You quickly stood from the bed, tippy-toeing your way to the door. A slight rush of adrenaline rushing through your body as you peaked your head out the door assuring the coast was indeed clear. You waited a few seconds, and then you walked out your room examining the living room for any changes. Everything was just like it had been the night before, unlike you and Jimin. There was a point of no return and last night had been it for the both of you.

Placed at the center of the table was a plate full of fluffy pancakes stacked perfectly one on top of another. Yet your pride had you grabbing a box of Cereal, milk, and a bowl. The sogginess of the tasteless food had you cringing with every bite. You could perfectly picture your babies writhing in your stomach, scolding you for not devouring the delicious strawberry topped treat in front of you.

A knock on the door interrupted your meal, and for the first time since you found out you were pregnant, you were glad something got in the way of you and your meal.

“I am going,” you said as you wiped your mouth from the dripping milk. You scurried to the door and opened it excitedly, thinking it was Jin saving you with some delicious sweet bread of some sort.

The door opened wide as you awaited the person on the other side with a wide smile. The smile that faltered as soon as your eyes took in the visitor before you.

Her usual perfect hair was up in a messy bun, as her last night’s mascara surrounded her perfectly blue eyes making her look similar to a raccoon. Tears traveled down her cheeks creating trails all the way down to her jaw.

“Jimin was right, you look even more beautiful than before…...the pregnancy glow fits you. I am sorry to bother you….but can we talk….about Jimin….please (y/n)” Stephany said already taking a step inside your apartment, not even asking for permission. At this very moment, the soggy mess in the bowl looked as appetizing as a sirloin steak.

 

* * *

 

A pin drop would sound as loud as a lion’s roar with the silence that had been established in the living room. It had been fifteen minutes since you had surrendered with pity at the broken looking mess of a girl that was now sitting in front of you tapping her foot nervously.

Your patience was growing thin, her eyes landed on yours and as if she had read your mind she hiccuped as a lone tear escaped, “Jimin...he doesn’t want to see me again. He says I ruined you guys. I didn’t…. Did I? He said I fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to him. I didn’t mean to. I love him…...but….. I love you too….you are like a sister to me,” Stephany said as she roughly wiped away the tears that were now pouring out uncontrollably from her eyes.

“Could’ve fooled me” you thought out loud unconsciously.

“What did you say??” she said as her pretty face turned to you, complete shock rippled through her deep blue orbs. Her tears stopped as you took a deep breath, her attention now solely on you.

“Look Stephany, either you are playing stupid with me, or you are truly blind to anything but yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I truly love you as a friend, but when it comes to Jimin….. You are always there or you manage to squish yourself into everything we do. Whenever you are gone is like a vacation for me that I can enjoy happily with my love. The one that recently I have come to realize was never mine, to begin with. I should have just gotten the guts to express my discontent a lot sooner with this whole set up of you calling Jimin as if he was your own personal support animal. I am tired of holding everything I feel, for the sake of your wellbeing. I am going to put myself first. Not you or Jimin. If you guys co-depend on each other so much, then why won’t you both just leave me alone already. I can do it on my own, just like I have these past few years, but without you and Jimin dragging me down along with your fucked up relationship. I am done. You guys go love each other, count me out of whatever this is,” you said standing up from your previous spot. You could blame your unrestrained rant on the pregnancy hormones that had you borderline psycho now at days, and take it all away, but no….you meant it...every single word. You had been keeping your pent-up feelings for way too long and they needed to be released. It felt like a breath of fresh air, and the heavy burden that had been building on with every step had finally given out. You walked straight now, with your head up high, nothing could bring you down at this point.

“But he doesn’t love me. Not in that way. He loves you,” Stephany said without any hesitation.

You sat back down on the couch, your feet were swollen and if anyone had to move at this point it would have to be her. You scrunched up your eyebrows at the stubbornness etched in Stephany’s words.

“Ok Stephany, now I know…. You are clearly not all there….you make stupid look smart at this point,” you replied rolling your eyes at her.

“Well, you are pretty stupid as well. Jimin loves you so much. You clearly have no idea how much that man loves you.” Stephany replied sounding completely appalled at you.

“Stop. Stephany Stop. You are not making sense at all,” you said as you started feeling tears forming in your eyes. The pain of the past mixed with the present situation smacking your right back in the face, “I saw you...and the kiss”

“Oh my god, the kiss… Why didn’t you speak up??? You obviously did not see the whole thing….He pushed me away (y/n). He pushed me away like he has many times before...even before you, Jimin doesn’t love me the way he loves you. I am his friend...I am like a sister, and if anyone is to blame for any misunderstanding in this situation I know it is me, and I am sorry” she said reaching out for one of your balled up hands.

You pulled your hands away before any skin contact could be made, her mere presence was making slightly nauseous with stress, you couldn’t imagine what her touch could do, “He still ran to you, he left me behind for you so many times. I was never first. You were. Regardless of what kind of love it is, he obviously loves you more.”

“No, he doesn’t,” she said with a sad smile on her face, “Look...when I first knocked on Jimin’s door with a newborn Nataly in arms I came in begging for him to take me back. He said no, and even asked me kindly to leave. Jimin feels like he owes me. I was in a dark place (y/n), I felt like I didn’t belong. I love my husband, I always have, and he has been nothing but kind and loving to me as well...but back then…. Nothing felt right, so I tried going back to my past...back when things were easier…. In other words Jimin. After Jimin’s rejection, I was lost, I was walking down the street with this little human in my arms, I left her (y/n). I left her at Jimin’s door. I went back and knocked on his door and ran. My husband was out on a business trip. Jimin did not know what to do. He tried everything, even the authorities, finally he gave up and went back to our hometown and left Nataly at my mom’s. When he got back home he had found a missed call from the local hospital, they found me. (y/n), I tried to kill myself. Postpartum depression….. That is what they had called it, but it hasn’t gone away. It comes like waves, sometimes low and sometimes  Tsunami high, dragging me in with what it feels like no way out. I am sorry. I am so sorry,” she said once again trying to reach out for your hand.

You let her grasp onto yours, there was sincerity in her words, but even after everything she had said, nothing felt right.

“I am sorry. I am grateful that you came forward and told me all of this. Trust me, I feel like I can better understand some things, but to be honest the way everything was handled...and the pain I have had to deal with…. I can’t. I truly wish you get better Stephany, but I think you should leave.”

Stephany nodded your way, the silence in the room was no longer tense, but now full of a sort of neutral satisfaction. What needed to be said was said, and there was no more hidden feelings, everything was out on the table.

Stephany turned to face you before she walked out the door, “Please give Jimin another chance, I will walk out and not come back, as long as you give him another chance”

You gave her a sincere small smile, “I will think about it.”

“Later,” Stephany said as she started walking out.

“Goodbye Stephany,” you replied with a wave.

You walked back into the apartment, the forgotten cereal looked more like puree, and your hunger had gone to starvation mode with all the commotion. You walked towards the sink to throw away the nasty mess of food when you realized there were no other dishes waiting to be washed. There was only a bowl and pan that Jimin had used to prepare the pancakes on the dish rack. Jimin had cooked the pancakes for you. He had not eaten. You smiled at the thought as you walked back to the table, the stack of pancakes looked a lot more appetizing than before. The negative thoughts that had been floating around through your brain no longer an issue as you took a big bite of the fluffy sweet pancakes.

 

* * *

 

It was 8pm and Jimin was not home, the fact that he had been neglectful enough to forget his personal cell phone aggravated you. He had always been a bit forgetful, and it became a habit to write little notes on the fridge to remind him of everyday duties. You wondered how he had been able to survive without you during these last few months.

The slam of the door opening and closing caused you to waddle/run your way to the living room, “Jimin??”

A very out-of-breath Jimin stood in front of you surrounded by 10 bags full of baby clothes scattered around the room” I got carried away.”

“I think you did,” you said grinning at him as you started looking through the bags, “but it’s okay.” 

Jimin smiled at you as he started to scavenge through the bags excitedly popping out baby clothes in every color.

“You do know they won’t be wearing newborn size forever right?? They will probably only wear each outfit once” you said slightly giggling.

JImin’s smile brightened at the sound of your laugh, “I missed your laugh….I missed your face, I missed your smile, I missed your voice, your scent, and your touch…..I missed you so fucking much. I am sorry. I am such a fuck up”

Your smile faltered “I have been hearing sorry way too much today Jimin. The meaning behind that word is starting to lose potency, words sometimes are not what’s needed. Actions do go a long way”

“I am trying. I am, but I don’t know what to do. I am scared. I don’t want to lose you” he said kneeling down on the floor in front of you grasping both of your hands with his.

“You think I am not scared?? I am absolutely petrified. I miss you Jimin. I miss you so fucking much too. I love you, I still do” you said as tears traveled down your cheeks, your shaking hands smearing some away as you sniffled, “I think I will always love you...but is that enough? There is more than just me in the picture now… what if they get hurt….”

“They won’t, I won’t. I love you so much and I was such an idiot, I see it now. I know it is probably too late, but I beg of you please give me another chance to show you” he said as he kissed both your knuckles. His eyes red and swollen with tears.

“Jimin….. I” you started completely at a loss for words, Stephany’s teared up blue eyes flashed in your mind. A new feeling blossomed in your chest, as confidence started running through your veins, you were not going to be played around with any longer, “Jimin, when did you go see Stephany??”

The color in Jimin’s face drained leaving him a sickly shade of white, “Did she call you? Did she come over?? I am sorry, I told her to stay away”

You interrupted him before he could continue his panic-filled rant, “ Shh, Jimin calm down. She came over, but nothing bad happened”

Jimin looked down ashamed, “I went this morning before I made breakfast, I went and let her know that we need to set boundaries, that this was no longer healthy for us. I told her you are my priority, and she wasn’t giving me the chance to show you that. Then I heard you hesitating to come out of your room as I cooked breakfast, memories of mornings filled with kisses while we had flour all over ourselves made me crave having you next to me, but I knew it wouldn’t be possible unless I let go of everything and focused on you. I love you. I love our twins. I love our little family (y/n). I am not giving it up. So I called her after I made breakfast and told her seeing her less wouldn’t be enough…. That I needed to cut ties in order to fix us. Not only for us and our little family but for herself and the family that loves her and stands beside her no matter how many times she pushes them away”

You smiled softly at the broken man in front of you. You could tell from the way his eyebrows twitched up and down as he talked, and the way he bit his lip nervously in between words, how much he meant what he had just said. You caressed his cheek lightly, as your heart broke a little as he nudged against your hand like a lost puppy.

You had not anticipated, Jimin’s decision to cut off Stephany out of his life. You didn’t want to break apart their relationship, one that was built with so many years of friendship, and you knew Jimin still loved the hell out of her, but for the first time since the beginning of your relationship, he had put you first. The guilt of persuading the idea of leaving such a big piece of what and who had made Jimin what he is now, dissipating as his strong arms circled your swollen waist. His mouth landed on your oversized bump, “I love the three of you very very much” he said huskily.

Fear ran through your veins as your hands interlaced against strands of his hair, “I love you too Jimin. One more chance Jimin... Just one more. I can’t take anymore..than just that.”

Jimin smiled up at you with tear-filled eyes, “I love you soo soo much”

 

* * *

 

33 weeks along in this pregnancy, and you had yet to experience heartburn. Sadly, other symptoms such as being over emotional, nausea, craving, backache, and swollen feet had hit you tenfold.

“Chimchim, can you paint my toenails??” you asked Jimin as he laid his head on your lap while watching a movie.

“What color babe??” he replied as he turned to face you happily, ‘I wouldn’t do any shade of pink, since it would just blend in with the rest of your foot” He reached over to tickle your propped up foot, and then went back to lay down on your lap as he happily kissed your belly, “What color do you want on mommy??” Jimin asked the twins.

It had been about 6 weeks since you had decided to give Jimin a second chance, and other than a few awkward conversations, in the beginning, to clear out a few issues, everything had gone back to normal….well everything except Stephany.

Her number had been erased from your phone, and you were almost one hundred percent positive Jimin hadn’t been communicating with her for a while.

You would be lying if you would say that you weren’t worried. Stephany’s disappearing acts have happened more than once, and you were just waiting for her Houdini self to pop right back into the picture...like she sadly always had.

You pushed him away playfully as you leaned in for a warm kiss from his tempting lips “You are a Jerk”

“And you are my queen” he replied as he pulled you closer to him as you got lost in the kiss. The sudden onset of hunger making your stomach grumble loudly causing Jimin to giggle loudly.

“That is my queue. Snack Time!” you screamed excitedly as you attempted getting up, the baby bump making it harder than it should be. After he realized you were having a hard time he stood up himself to pull you up, “Babe, it doesn’t hurt to ask for help every once in a while” the smart response that was on the tip of your tongue interrupted by a vibration coming from the side table, indicating an incoming call. The letter “S” on the screen making your heart race with fear. Jimin saw your facial expression change, as he quickly rejected the call.

“How about some grilled cheese sandwiches??” he asked trying to distract you.

The phone vibrated once again, which he quickly silenced.

You nodded distractedly.

Jimin grabbed your hand pulling you towards the kitchen. Your waddling steps causing him to smile as he tried to imitate you. You chuckled at his silly antics.

“You are crazy” you replied as you attempted to tippy toe to kiss his plump pink lips, to only fail miserably stumbling a little backward.

Jimin’s arms circled around your waist pulling you closer to him once again, as he dipped his face to capture your lips. You smiled as you felt him trying to deepen it. You sighed happily as you felt his warm tongue against your bottom lip asking for entrance. Your stomach growled louder. Jimin took a step backward raising an eyebrow at your belly, “Wow, you both haven’t even been born yet and you are already cockblocking daddy”

You laughed, “I am just going to get some cereal babe. I am craving some fruit loops”

“Fine” Jimin said grabbing the box from the pantry as you grabbed the milk and the bowl.

You waddled your way back into the living room,  _“Friends”_  was playing loudly in the background as you situated yourself back in your comfy spot.

Jimin set up the tv tray and poured your cereal happily, you grabbed the milk and poured it, a big smile appearing on your face as you anticipated the sweet fruity taste.

“Fuck the spoon,” you said sadly as you dreaded getting back up.

“I will go for it babe,” Jimin said as he kissed your forehead, then took off running back into the kitchen like his life depended on it.

The cereal was getting soggy second by second. A whole minute had already passed and Jimin was still gone. You should’ve honestly just gone for it yourself, knowing Jimin he was probably pacing back and forth trying to figure out what he had gone to the kitchen for in the first place.

“JIMIN!” you yelled loudly hoping he would hurry up if he heard the desperation in your tone of voice.

“Going Love” he screamed back as he walked out of the kitchen door. A spoon in hand, but his smile had been left behind. He placed the spoon in your bowl as he kneeled down to be at face level with you.

“Babe…..I got called into work……. I will be back soon. Shouldn’t take long” he said as he placed a warm hand on your cheek. His eyes locked into yours.

He was lying. You knew it. Your gut had never been wrong. Why…..

“You will be back?? Right??” you replied with a small voice.

Jimin touched your belly lightly, “Of course hun, it will be quick” he replied nodding way to fast “Wait for me. I love you”

You nodded as you saw him grab his sweater and head out the door quickly. Not looking back. Not even a single glance.

You stood up from the couch, for the first time in a while, with ease. You walked back into the kitchen to place the uneaten bowl of cereal on the sink when your eye caught the sight of Jimin’s phone carelessly laying on the floor.

You squatted awkwardly to pick it up.

The trust that had been promised between the both of you thrown out the window as you quickly unlocked the phone. The password the same as it had been throughout all your years together.

A  _new message_  notification from an unknown number blinking on the screen.

You opened it to find a small conversation. Your breath quickened as your heart accelerated with anticipation. You were not dumb, you had clearly seen Stephany’s name earlier on his phone.

> _3333 NoName St._
> 
> _5555555_
> 
> _Be there Soon_
> 
> _Sent 6:13pm_

Your heart broke as your whole body grew numb. A feeling of sadness consumed you, but the two little peanuts growing in your stomach gave you the courage you needed to walk out of the dark. Silent tears escaped your eyes as you formulated a quick simple plan in your head. You took a napkin and wrote down the address quickly with a marker from the dry erase board in the kitchen.

You grabbed your phone from your back pocket quickly dialing the second number in your speed dial. The phone rang only once before the other line was answered, You hiccuped into the phone, not being able to hold it any longer“Jin, I need you”

“On my way”


	5. Jin's POV INBH Special Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Jin X Reader
> 
> I’ll Never Be Her Special Chapter
> 
> Rating: T 
> 
> ANGST/Romance
> 
> Word Count: 1.7K+
> 
> Special thanks to my bae @b-angst-tan for editing and giving me a hand when I got stuck. She is truly amazing!!
> 
> Setting:
> 
> This is Jin’s POV from Chapter 2. This POV is taking place the day (Y/n) sees Jimin & Stephany in the park, right after she finds out she is pregnant. It start’s on the night when (Y/n) comes back home. (I am not sure if I am explaining this well, sorry[if you have any questions you can pm me :) ] )
> 
> This goes out to all my Team Jin girls, and the rest of my readers as well, of course. Enjoy Sweeties !!

How is She doing??

Jimin 11:37pm

Jin ran a hand through his hair with frustration as he threw his phone angrily on his desk. He could not believe the balls on his best friend. The light snores in the dim room reminded him that tonight he was not alone, and he instantly regretted the “thud” that echoed around the room caused by his phone. Much to his luck, (Y/n) was a heavy sleeper. Her small figure looked peculiar on his messy king sized bed as she starfished diagonally without a single care. It had been a while since Jin had seen her look so at ease. Reminders of her harsh day were shown through the mascara running down under her eyes and the knots in her hair.

Seokjin’s heart ached for the woman. He’d known her for years, but despite all of their memories together he had never seen her as vulnerable as she was today.

The loud knocking that signaled her arrival to his apartment had been quite surprising since she usually let herself in completely unannounced. Her shoulders were trembling and her hands covered her puffy eyes. A sick feeling blossomed in the pit of his stomach as she collapsed in his arms, like a ragdoll looking for support. Jin was quick to catch her, as he always was. He held her tight and close with no intention of letting go, as his heart jumped up into his throat. His own eyes welled up with tears, but he refused to let them spill, he knew he needed to be strong for her.

Regret. He regretted a lot of things in his life, but more than anything else he regretted steering her away from him when they first met. He wasn’t ready for commitment back then, but with her... If only he had known then that the butterflies he felt when he first saw her weren’t just a brief attraction, but something that would grow into firework explosions at the mere thought of her. If he had known that, he would’ve asked her out himself. Instead, the day after Jimin and (Y/n)’s first date he had to sit through hours of his best friend gushing about the girl as if she was a goddess walking on earth. Jealousy had tickled his insides, but he shrugged it off as a sexually frustrated moment of insanity. Jin had been very wrong.

Jin stood up from his chair and walked towards his bed trying to figure out how he was going to manage to squeeze into his bed without waking her up. He decided to very lightly scoop her in his arms to move her towards the other side. He picked her up without a problem and she instinctively placed her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest. He looked down to appreciate her natural beauty. Even with the mascara around her eyes, that had left raccoon markings on her delicate skin, she looked ethereal as her hair fell perfectly against her flushed cheeks. Jin smiled as he briefly let himself enjoy the warmth of her body against his. He closed his eyes as he placed her on the left side of the bed, unable to watch himself letting her go for the millionth time even if it was only a physical separation.

As soon as (Y/n)’s head hit the pillow, Jin covered her up and sat beside her taking an opportunity to admire her up close. His hand twitching from the sudden urge to caress her face, but he was not going to risk the friendship he had built with her in a stupid moment of weakness.

He knew (Y/n) needed time to heal, and he was not going to get involved more than he already was.

Jin had been friend zoned very early in their relationship, and at the time he didn’t mind. He could soothe his constant need for her presence through Friday movie nights and as a third wheel during group hangouts, but as time went by he grew needier for her attention. And of course (Y/n) was completely oblivious to just how much tighter he hugged her after being away for just a few days. Her presence was a godsend to him.

(Y/n) stirred in her sleep bringing him back into reality. He rested his head on the pillow facing her, and before he knew it she had scooted closer to him unconsciously seeking warmth. Jin let his eyes wander around her figure, examining every curve and shadow taking this opportunity to engrave her perfectly in his memory for when she would no longer be here. Jin from the Past would label this act as creepy, but Jin from the Present knew how lucky he truly was to be able to soothe this heartbroken girl. He would give anything to hear her carefree giggle again.

Jin wanted her to be happy, and it made him wonder every once in a while, how it would have been if he was the one who was able to call her his. Jimin had fucked up over and over again, leaving her alone and confused on more than just a few occasions. Jin knew he would have never done that. Jin would have brought the moon and the stars for her if that is what she wanted.

The phone’s ringtone went off and he practically flew towards it, not willing to wake up the angel that was currently entering REM sleep.

Jimin’s name flashed on the screen, Jin rejected the call refusing to speak to his friend until his emotions had become more neutral. He feared the words that would spill out of his mouth like projectile vomit ruining the friendship that had blossomed and grown from a very young age.

From the rush of unfamiliar overwhelming emotions, his mouth now felt like a dry cotton ball. He tried swallowing without success. Water, he needed to satisfy his thirst before he made himself sick. He tiptoed slowly towards the door making his way to the kitchen, turning the doorknob slowly only to have the door make the loudest squeak he had ever heard. (Y/n) stirred in bed almost falling off as Jin ran before she could tip over the edge. He managed to halt her from twirling as he slowly scooted her farther into the bed, placing a pillow as a border. The hair covering her face moved upwards slightly with every breath making her look almost comical. Jin smiled to himself, thirst thrown out the window as he kneeled down savoring the little cute things that captivated him the most about (Y/n).

He selfishly swept back the hair, tucking it behind her ear, taking advantage of the situation to admire the way her eyelashes rested beautifully on her cheeks. Cheeks he had witnessed turn crimson on the daily. He loved the fact she was easily flustered at the silliest of things. The way she scrunched up her nose whenever was mad or frustrated. She reminded him of a cute little mouse as she wiggled her nose from side to side in a cute peculiar manner.

Jin was rendered solemn as he reminded himself of her pride and quiet strength. She had been using it stupidly for the past 5 years. She had been strong by standing alongside Jimin through more than most women would ever dream to stick around for. 

Jin recalled how he happened to loved the way she pouted when she was concentrating on something... It made her pretty lips stand out even more, and he wondered if Jimin noticed them and if he had kissed them just because they looked so ready for a kiss.

He sighed regretfully, as he eyed her tempting lips. Before his brain could react he leaned in slowly. His lips now millimeters away from her own. Her warm breath caressed his lips setting ablaze a wild flame within his heart that he had tried for years to keep in control. Her hand mindlessly grabbing a hold of his hair before he could proceed any further.

Her light snores indicating she was still out even though her hand movement prompted otherwise. Jin looked back to her lips more relaxed, but before he could, her mouth opened slightly the light timbre of her voice waking his rationality, “I love you...Jimin”.

A saddened smile decorated his face as he skimmed her face and then placed a soft chaste kiss on her forehead.

He whispered quietly the words he had held on a tight seal all this time “I love you (Y/n).”

Jin slowly backed away from his previous position, the distance growing little by little, and much to his luck each centimeter felt like a mile. He had been so close to tasting the forbidden fruit dangling just in front of him, but he knew those lips he craved so much were not his to kiss.

He caressed her face lightly with one hand, scared of breaking this fragile looking sleeping girl. Jin knew (Y/n) was anything but, yet he felt like he needed to protect her. Jin wanted to be her shoulder to cry on, her knight in shining armor, and her first good morning and last goodnight.

Jin felt guilty of almost taking advantage of the situation, he didn’t trust himself in the same room as her much less in the same bed. He stood up and walked towards the other side of the bed grabbing one of the pillows and the spare blanket. He grabbed his phone from his desk as he made his way into the living room.

He set up the couch and then pensively unlocked his phone which displayed the last text message. The ongoing battle within him typing, deleting, and retyping messages that he was not even sure would ever make it out of his draft box.

He had chosen this. He had done this to himself. Jin had chosen to remain on mute as he watched (Y/n) fall head over heels as he did nothing.

Jin had chosen to love her in silence… for in silence there was no rejection, yet his hands ached to reach and intertwine with hers, and his feet wanted to chase her to the ends of the world.

Jin sighed painfully as he pressed the phone against his ear. It only rang once before the other line was answered.

“She is as okay as she can be, but Jimin…...you both need to talk.”


	6. I'll Never Be Her (4)

 

The dim lighting in the narrow halls along with the stale smell of cleaning supplies had you on the verge of waddling back to the safety of Jin’s car. The squeaking of your shoes echoed loudly on the barely inhabited waiting area. The dull sickly shades of green intimidating the living daylights out of you, as you made your way towards the nurse station and registration area slowly, wary of tripping and eating shit, which to be honest with your luck nowadays it wouldn’t come as a surprise.

“Hello, Darling! May I help you with something?  You look a little lost there.” An older looking lady with peppered hair said giving you a small smile.

You nodded as you rubbed your belly, a weird feeling erupting from the pit of your stomach, making it feel a bit sensitive and stiff as if you were flexing. You took a deep breath and quietly cursed your body’s onset timing for what you had concluded were Braxton Hicks. You smiled back ignoring the weird sensation, “Yes, I came to visit a patient.”

“That’s great. What is the patient’s name? Are you a family member?” she asked as she started clicking away on her computer.

“No...I am not...actually…” You started only to be interrupted by a familiar, deep honey-like voice.

“Y/N?” a familiar deep voice questioned as he came into full view.

He looked different than last time you saw him. His usually bleach blond locks were now dyed a dark brown that matched perfectly with his brown orbs. He smiled at you, the familiar gummy smile that you had grown to love and now associate to a brotherly figure.

“Yoongi!” You said smiling widely at him, the sorrow and pain associated with Jimin’s abandonment forgotten for a brief moment as you were engulfed in a warm hug, “I’ve missed you so much. It’s been way too long!”

He chuckled as he ruffled your hair, “Yeah I know. Last time I saw you, you didn’t look like you were hiding a basketball underneath your shirt. I am wondering how you haven’t fallen face first with that cute belly of yours. You are definitely glowing and look absolutely stunning, Stef was right.”

Your face paled at the mention of her name as Yoongi’s bright smile turned into a grimace.

“Yeah, Stephany….How is she doing??” You asked trying to sound unaffected as the light tremble of your voice gave you away.

Yoongi reached for your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “She is doing good..actually, I was going to ask you.. is it okay if we have a coffee and maybe talk??”

You nodded, “Milk and cookies and you have a deal.” Another awkward cramp shot up your back making you squirm in place, “Is there a cafeteria or something. My pregnant butt needs to sit.”

Yoongi nods happily, “Yeah, it is right over there, let me help you with that.” He said taking the damp umbrella and purse from your hands.

You waddled next to him as he glanced at you every once in a while with a small smile on his face.

You plopped down happily at the first table you found, not even giving Yoongi the opportunity to seek out another one.

“I’ll be back,” he said as he walked towards the small serving area. The cafeteria was for the most part empty other than the bored looking teenage cashier who you were more than sure was more focused on the pink cell phone on her hand than her surroundings.

Yoongi placed a warm cup of milk and a bag of chocolate chip cookies on the table, displaying it as a beautiful buffet for your weak for munchies ass.

“So what do you want to talk about?” You asked as you eagerly opened the bag in front of you and plopped a whole cookie in your mouth successfully.

“I want to say I am sorry.” He said no longer looking at you, but instead focusing at the gray, dull coffee mug in front of him as if it was an intricate piece of art, “I called Jimin…..I told him to come.”

The hunger that had been pestering you since you had left your apartment, evaporated into nothingness with that lone sentence. Your belly contracted a bit more painful than usual as you wiggled yourself repositioning to hopefully soothe the dull tightness.

“How?” You asked quietly as you stared up into his eyes, your own already tearing up from all the emotions you had bottled up all these years, “How..how..how can you do it? How do you just sit and watch, as you watch her walk away into someone else’s arms, arms that aren’t yours? How do you go to sleep and wake up without knowing if she is going to be there in the morning? How do you numb yourself knowing that you might not be her first priority? How…..do you make it stop hurting? Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me? Cause….fuck ….excuse my french…..The only thing that comes to mind is ‘that fucking bitch’ when I hear her name coming from his lips. And it sucks because I know Stephany. I have grown close to her in ways I probably shouldn’t have. I love and care for her as well, but I am not okay with it..especially when it comes to Jimin’s love. I can’t stand watching her dance around boundaries she shouldn’t be crossing in the first place”

Yoongi ruffled his hair, the sadness in his eyes clearly noticeable, something you had never witnessed personally, “To be honest...I hate it....but at the same time….. I have come to realize that the only reason why I have put up with it in the first place is because I am fucking selfish.”

“Wait… How are you selfish? If anything Stephany is the selfish one. I don’t deserve this... You do not deserve this” you asked puzzled at his response.

“Look..” he said ruffling his hair nervously with one hand, “Stephany is my world. From the very first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We have gone through so many things together, and I was there to pick up every piece whenever she would fall apart in my arms. When we found out about Nataly she was ecstatic, everything was getting better and then…. As I held our little girl in my arms I noticed something was off. Stephany seemed fine for the first few weeks, until one day she locked herself for three days in her room with our child refusing to come out unless it was absolutely necessary. She wouldn’t eat, she would barely talk, and she rarely slept. She had become so absorbed in her own little world, that she panicked if I even got near Nataly.” Yoongi sighs, but continues explaining himself.

“Then one day I ran into Jimin, I had not seen him in a while, and after exchanging numbers I was on my merry way. Stephany deteriorated and I took her almost forcefully to the doctor. That is when she got diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. I reached out to various resources trying to figure out how to help the love of my life, and after several therapy sessions and group talks I found out that sometimes an outlet or maybe revisiting things that had made her happy in the past can help to break the wall she was building around herself. I remembered how much she talked about Jimin and the adventures they would have when they were young. And that is when I decided that maybe meeting up with him would be a good idea. I wrote down his information on a sticky note before work hoping she would find it since she refused to acknowledge me on her low days. Before I knew it she was gone... And then... she left Nataly at his door... and I knew I had fucked up. From then on she did it several times... She would run from me and go to him..but she always comes back and I much rather have that and know she is safe even if it is not with me than have her leave and never return...”

You wiped the tears away from your eyes as you saw Yoongi fall apart bit by bit till he was a sobbing mess, you reached out your hand to grasp his tightly, “Yoongi, I know... With me and Jimin... it is not the same but I have had to share too and it is not healthy Yoongi. I have excused this behavior for years now and now that it will not only affect me but my babies as well. I’ve come to realize that sometimes you have to set your foot down.”  
  


“I love her... And she’s not well... I feel like it is my fault... I am so sorry (Y/n) I didn’t think it was going to get this bad. I love you and even though he can be an asshole at times, I love Jimin as well. You have been such a great help with Nataly and Stephany. I am so sorry I didn’t talk to you about this before. I was scared. I thought if I didn’t address the problem it would just disappear... and it just got bigger and bigger. I know about everything (Y/n)... The kiss they almost shared and every time she would invade both of your lives and I am so sorry. I am going to make this okay and be stronger for her. That is why I am taking her away. Once she gets better... Maybe we can try this friendship thing again... Maybe, if you don’t hate us too much. It was not Jimin, (Y/n) I was the one at fault… I should’ve told her not to go. I should’ve taken care of her better so she wouldn’t have to seek anyone else but me. I am so sorry. Jimin really does love you (Y/n), he was just helping Stephany….us out.”

You gave him a side smile as you wiped the tears from your face. “Sure... that sounds good. And don’t be silly... We are always going to be friends.” you said as you grasped his face in your hand and wiped a tear away... Now let’s stop crying and start eating. My kids need to grow.”

Yoongi shook his head disbelievingly as a choked up sob came out mixed with a laugh, “Thank you, you are honestly one of the most amazing and understanding people on the world. Love you.”

“Love you too, Yoongi.” You said as Yoongi grasped both your hands in his, “You can do this Yoongi. You take care of your girls.”

He gave a gummy smile, “Thank you (y/n), I will.” He said as he stole a cookie from your hand.

You scowled at him playfully, “That, though...I might not forgive.”

  


 

You walked the hallways alone. The voices and whispers around you made your growing anxiety click like a bomb waiting to explode as you searched the room number Yoongi had written on your hand. Yoongi had left you on your own to head back home and continue packing. You had assured him you would be fine over and over again before he relented and went on his way.

Your phone vibrated in your hand a notification popped up showing Jin’s name.

> _I hope everything is ok. I am still outside just in case you need me. I will be waiting for you._
> 
> _Jin 4:05pm_
> 
> _I am okay Jin love. I should be out soon. Just saying bye._
> 
> _(Y/n) 4:06_

You placed the phone back in your pocket, and out of nowhere, a familiar laugh sounded through the halls. Your pace quickened as you finally met up with the number you had been searching for what it felt like forever.

Your feet traveled towards the door that was left slightly ajar.“Nataly, you know that pink isn’t my color!” You heard Jimin say dramatically, as you peeked in through the door quietly.“But the ponytails look great on you and I ran out of blue rubber bands!” Nataly replied as she leaned in placing a smooch on his cheek.

Your breath hitched as you took in the sight of Jimin kneeling on the floor, as Nataly sat on the edge of the bed doing his hair. Stephany sat on a bed with a wide grin on her face as her hand rested on Jimin’s. If a stranger would come in they would assume they were the happiest of families. The giggles inside the room were filled with pure happiness.

Stephany looked small in the medical bed, her usual full blond hair looked frizzy and unkept, her blue-eyed pools that could drown you were more of an icy gray, and her usually rosy cheeks looked gaunt and pale. Even in her current condition, she looked absolutely gorgeous, like a fairytale princess. Your stomach clenched again as you took an instinctive deep breath to soothe the uncomfortable pang.

A flashback of Yoongi’s voice resounded reminding you of how frail and delicate the woman you had believed was strong truly was.

Yoongi’s watery broken eyes staring straight at you flashed in your brain taking over your senses, “She took pills (Y/n), I got there just in time... But I almost lost her...”

Jimin stood up from his previous position and sat next to Stephany on the bed. She ran her small hand through his hair as he leaned into her warmth.

“You’re like a puppy Chimchim!” She said giggling as he stuck out his tongue playfully. Nataly quickly sat on his lap as she licked his cheek, “I wanna be a puppy too!”

You smiled at the scene unfolding as you rubbed your stomach that was once again cramping. You sighed sadly as you took a step back.

You couldn't do this. You didn’t want to interfere. They looked so happy and at peace. Maybe Stephany wasn’t the problem...maybe it had always been you.

Jimin leaned in to place a soft kiss on the crown of her forehead, the same kind you had felt every night you had spent in his arms as you crossed the threshold to dreamland. His soft plump lips blessing you with sweet dreams through the night.

You turned away from them and back to the door you had come from, throwing down the white towel...you had given up.

  


 

The rain poured relentlessly as you exited the building, camouflaging the tears that were falling down your face. You grasped your purse tightly against you as if it was a stress ball, turning your knuckles white.

It hurt, it really pained you to leave the man you loved behind. You were weak, you couldn’t do this.

Stephany didn’t have to leave. You did. They needed him. He had known this, but your selfish self had been reading way too much into it.

Nataly’s glimmering eyes as she stared at Jimin as if he was Superman himself.

You could stay…. You could bare it through at his side until Stephany got better… but when would that be?? Would it be a year from now??? Maybe 10???

The ongoing battle in your mind had caused another onset of cramps as you slowed down in place.

“Fuck...” you said out loud, as the cramp got more intense.

“(Y/n), are you okay??” You heard Jin say as he stood in front of you with an umbrella that was now covering you. The water was dripping against his forehead as he shivered.

“Seokjin, what are you doing outside?” You said trying to get closer to him so the umbrella could cover him as well.

“I told you I would be waiting for you silly.” He replied rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, I know dork, but what are you doing out in the rain??” You asked as you brushed away a raindrop on his eyelash.

He gave you a nervous smile, “I was debating whether to go in or not… You were taking too long and I was starting to get worried.”

You shook your head with a small smile, “Jin, I really don’t deserve your ass!”

“You don’t, but I am here so.... how about we go back to the car? It’s starting to get chilly.” Jin replied as he wrapped a strong arm around you, “You are okay though, right?”

“Yes I am fine”

You lied.

  


 

There was something about Jimin’s eyes that had always captivated you. They were brown, the color of an old oak tree you would climb during the hot summers of your youth. Home, that is what his eyes would take you back to, in them you drowned and reminisced of the times where your biggest worry was learning how to tie your shoelaces.

His warmth was addicting. Being near him had always put you at ease no matter the situation. The way his strong arms would wrap around your waist pulling you into a tight embrace, flesh against flesh. A feeling that would borderline trigger your claustrophobia had become your favorite sensation.

The way his fringe would fall against his brow as he leaned down to capture your lips as he thrusted into you throughout the night, making you come undone over and over again, the both of you becoming one, would be an image embedded in your memory. A treasure you would admire from afar, too precious to touch.

The smile that had made you fall in love with him was not only reflected on his mouth, but also within the crinkles that appeared right beside his eyes. The contagious happiness that spread all over your body with every giggle and smirk that was thrown your way… There was nothing that would ever compare to that.

Just like in tug a war, as soon as the rope commences to burn along your skin and a light prickle of a sting awakens the trigger to drop it and give up, sometimes in life you must learn to let go.

Stubborn Love had held your hand and walked you all along the way, only stopping where you were at now, but your overly conscious insecurities and consistent state of neediness and selfishness could no longer bear the weight that had fallen upon your relationship from the very beginning, as the weak foundation it had been built on was hanging on by a thread, threatening to collapse at any moment.

Jin’s fingers tapped softly yet relentlessly along the steering wheel. You could tell he was anxious to question what had happened, but he knew better. Jin knew you. You sneaked glances his way as he focused on the road. Jin was handsome and strong, he had always been your shoulder to cry on and your personal diary; the only one who truly knew how you felt about Jimin and Stephany’s relationship. There were times where you wondered why hadn’t you fallen in love with him instead. From the beginning, you had never had doubts about your friendship or his loyalty. He knew your likes, dislikes, and where to set his boundaries.

The car stopped suddenly breaking you away from the thoughts that had been clouding your mind. He took a glance your way, catching your eyes with his brown ones. He tilted his head as he leaned in to wipe a tear that had been trailing along your cheek. You laid your hand against his letting it rest on your cheek. Your lips kissed the sensitive skin of his wrist as more tears traveled down your face.

“(Y/N)”, he whispered as his own voice was wavering slightly with emotions. You looked up to meet his eyes and you noticed they now looked pink and swollen, “I’m sorry…. I am really sorry about everything. I am sorry I pushed you his way. I didn’t know. I should’ve…”

You shook your head as you let go of his hand and it fell against your lap, “You have nothing to be sorry about Jin. You have been nothing less than wonder…ful. Sorry, I am having those fake contractions or whatever….they’re just uncomfortable.” You said, rubbing your belly.

“Let’s get you to bed.” He replied as he got out of the car quickly and ran to your side to help you out. You walked next to him as he held your hand all the way to your shared apartment with Jimin. You paused every once in a while to rub the cramp out of your belly.

The place felt cold and empty as you walked inside, the framed pictures taking you back to a happy place for a few seconds before reality came crashing down once again.

“(Y/N), I think you should lay down…. I’m starting to get worried about those cramps you are having.” Jin said as he took off his wet jacket. The rain had done a number on him as he made sure to cover you entirely with the umbrella leaving no room for himself.

You walked up to him and wrapped your arms around him tightly giving no fucks about the cold rainwater that was now soaking through your shirt, “Thank you Jin. Thank you so much. You deserve the world… scratch that, you deserve the whole fucking galaxy at this point.”

Jin chuckled lightly as he returned the hug and ran a hand through your hair. You felt a warm kiss against your head that had you looking up at his tall frame. He was close, so close to your now blushing face. His warm peppermint breath fanning against your skin. At this distance, you could make out every single eyelash, and can now perfectly memorize the pink that laid upon his plush lips.

“(Y/N),” he whispered softly enough to have you wondering if he had truly said something or it had just been a figment of your imagination.

You hummed questioningly not backing away.

“You are my galaxy,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss your forehead quickly about to back away from you as to not invade your personal space. Before he could take a step back your hands reached out to grasp his collar tightly.

His pupils dilated with mixed emotions you had never been able to decipher before, but now were as clear as day.

A second. That is all it took for you to completely erase every thought, memory, and guilt. That one second is all it took for you to fuse your lips against Jin’s blurring out the world. His lips were sweet and warm. They felt safe. They felt like they could be home. He responded almost automatically holding you closer than before, but then as you felt him ask for entrance Jimin’s face popped into your mind. The way Jimin’s hands held your face as he deepened his kisses as his thumb caressed the back of your ear soothingly as opposed to Jin’s, that were holding on to your sides with trembling fingers, wary that you would push him away. Jimin nibbled on your bottom lip softly whenever he would ask for entrance causing your core to explode with heat that could overpower a volcano anyday. Jin was careful and soft, licking your bottom lip before you allowed him to take over. Jimin was rough and passionate. Jin was soft and careful. Jimin was dangerous and unpredictable. Jin was safe and cautious.

Jimin…..

A warm liquid traveled along your leg. At first, you thought it was the rainwater dripping from Jin’s soaked clothes, but the drip turned into a continuous leak and the contrast from the cold water falling from his hair to your face was quite obvious.

Jin backed away before you could react. His face went into panic mode as he looked down, the clear evidence of the unknown liquid all over the floor and his pants.

“Did I make you pee yourself??” He asked in a small, confused voice.

You remained quiet and stunned as you looked at your belly.

Jin caught onto your line of sight staring with wide eyes and open mouth gaping at your belly.

Frightened, you stared up at him, “Jin, I think my water broke...”

Before you could react Jin had already picked you up in his arms cradling you easily against his body. Your instincts kicked in as you kept in mind the birthing classes you had forcefully attended.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??? You know I can walk right?? Just go get the two diaper bags next to my bed and let’s go to the hospital. Everything is going to be okay. Look at me.” You said grasping his face in your hands as soon as he set you back on your feet. Jin’s face was red and you could tell he was borderline hyperventilating. “I can’t have you pass out on me, so follow along to my breathing pattern…. In …...out…….In ….Out. Better??” you asked as he nodded quickly, “Okay, it’s time to go.”


	7. Her [Stephany's POV]

 

 

* * *

 

##  **Author’s Note:**

Hey, guys have ya’ll missed me??

**This is part of an on-going(almost finished) series, I recommend you read the story first so you can understand what is going on :)**

**Trigger Warning: There are subjects discussed including suicidal tendencies and other psychological disorders that are not an easy subject for everyone. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk to I am here. If you do not feel comfortable discussing these topics or reading about them I suggest you will not read the following OneShot. I love you all(even if I don’t know you) please take care of yourselves.**

  


 

 

* * *

 

There was something about him. Something that captivated me from the moment I laid my eyes on his milky skin.

He was beautiful and graceful, yet rough.

He was calm and soothing, yet caused a storm to brew up in my insides everytime he said my name.

He loved me just as much as I loved him…..and that scared the shit out of me.

The fear of change and the unknown had always been my weakest suit.

He was my weakness. He was my strength. He was my everything.

The beeping of the cardiac monitor had been the first indication as I opened my eyes that I had fucked up. He never judged my lows, but I knew this time I might’ve crossed the line. The somber look on his face along with the deep purple rings around his eyes was an indication that forgiveness would not be easily attained.

Even in his restless look that shadowed those worried stern eyes, he looked breathtaking.

“Stephany??” He whispered my name causing my heart to jolt happily. Even with his serious tone his voice still filled me with warmth.

He eyed me carefully inspecting me from head to toe as if to assure I was okay.

My eyes watered in relief, he was here. Everything was going to be okay now.

“Yoo…” I tried uttering only to surrender to an upcoming cough, my throat as dry as the Sahara Desert barked out continuously making me resemble an old man.

Yoongi quickly stood up to fill up a small cup of water that he brought to my side and up my lips carefully within seconds.

I did not deserve him.

Pushing him away hurt, but the doubt that bubbled within the pit of my stomach with the slightest suspicion drove me to verge of insanity. I knew I was not okay. The psychiatrist that counseled me through my worst episodes had told me time and time and again that I needed to learn how to control my emotions, yet the pacifier I had gained through Jimin’s presence had become my easy way out.

Perfection was not enough of a word to describe Yoongi, and there were days where I still couldn’t believe my luck.

“Stephany we need to talk….” He said in a barely audible voice.

My stomach twisted in a nervous knot as I looked everywhere, but at his eyes. The worry clearly evident in his posture.

I knew I was at a hospital, but the events leading up to this were a mystery.

“Stephany please look at me,” Yoongi begged as my eyes finally gathered the courage to focus on the brown orbs I loved.

“Where is Nataly??” I asked trying to delay the upcoming conversation fearing he was finally giving up on me.

“I called Jimin, he is picking her up from daycare.” He said now reaching towards my hand. His fingers interlacing with mine in a woven pattern that matched perfectly.

“You shouldn’t have done that, I don’t want them to have problems because of me anymore…” I replied.

The look on (Y/n)’s flashing in my mind. The pain that spilled with every tear unknowing to me. Emotions she had clearly hidden from both Jimin and I exploding in my face. I loved her so much, yet I could now see that my sisterly affection for her had been, but a ghost because of my complex relationship with Jimin. There were so many things she didn’t know, but it felt wrong to lean on her with my problems. She had always been a breath of fresh air for me. A person I can seek out to whenever I wanted to ignore my inner demons for a while.

The guilt, judgment, and self-worthlessness I felt had no place when we had movie nights or went on a girl’s day out. I could see why Jimin loved her so much, yet I almost ruined that. My selfishness and lack of understanding of the situation had slapped me on the face and once again I had drowned on my sorrows willingly.

“Yoongi, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry babe.” I said as I squeezed his hand.

He gave me a sad side smile, “I know Stephany, but I think it is time for us both to move away and start anew. I am just as guilty as you are at what went down with Jimin. I should’ve stopped you, or spoken out my suspicions on (Y/n)’s feelings, but you were happy and I….” He said tearing up, “I never felt good enough for you Steph. I knew I could never have that bond you and Jimin have had from a very young age, and when stuff started to happen…. I didn’t know what to do. We were young and I loved you so much, so as much as it hurt me, I let you run away into his arms time and time again as long as you came back to me.”

I rested my free hand against his cheek wiping away a tear that had fallen. I loved him. I love him to infinity and beyond.

“I love you. You have no clue how much and it scared me…..it scares me but now….. I can only imagine what I did and….Nataly…” I said as in my head I tried putting the pieces together. I had tried it again…..I had been weak again.

“She doesn’t know...and she doesn’t have to,” Yoongi said as he kissed your hand lightly.

“What was it??” I asked quietly scared of triggering him.

“Pills.” Yoongi simply said as he bowed his head down.

Shame. That is all I felt as the repercussions of my actions played on repeat like a broken record player.

Yoongi should’ve left me behind by now and taken Nataly along with him, but he was hard headed. He loved me. I loved him.

“Let’s leave Yoongi. Let’s go far away. Your pick. I am tired of this….. Moving sounds like a great idea.” I replied silently begging and praying he wouldn’t leave me behind.

He remained quiet examining my face carefully my eyes refusing to look down. I wanted him to know I would force myself to be better. Not only for him but for Nataly too.

I could do it. I could let go of what is familiar and move on to a new chapter for them.

A genuine gummy smile, the same one that appeared on his face the first time we kissed, made an appearance, “I will go pack. I love you Steph!”

“I love you too!” I replied without hesitation as both his hands traveled to my face and his lips sealed on to mine full of emotions that no words could describe. The beeping of the heart monitor increased as my heart practically beat out of my chest.

I haven’t lost him. It is not to late….

An awkward cough pulled us apart sooner than I would have liked.

Jimin stood there with a smirk planted on his face with an overly enthusiastic Nataly bouncing around in his arms.

“Mommy!!!” Her high pitched voice cheered as she ran towards me full speed.

“You guys waste no time huh?” Jimin said winking your way as Yoongi rolled his eyes at his joking tone.

You “oomphed” quietly as Nataly jumped into your bed carelessly as your arms wrapped automatically around her small figure, “Babygirl, has Jimin been good today?”

Nataly nodded quickly “Yesyes! Chimin boughts me a burger and fries and apples slices and then he played baby shark song on the way here!”

“He did?” I asked as I ruffled Nataly’s hair.

Nataly didn’t answer unconsciously ignoring me as she jumped into Yoongi’s arms as he tickled her all over.

“Daddy!” she squealed happily as a smile spread through my face.

Yoongi put her back down on the bed as he turned to face Jimin, “I’ll be back quickly. Thank you”

Jimin just nodded as Yoongi placed a quick soft kiss on Nataly’s forehead and mine.

“I love you!!” I screamed as he walked quickly towards the door in a hurry.

“I love you too!!” I heard him yell through the hall causing a burst of giggles to erupt through my lips. The darkness that had consumed me for the past week or so dissolved… at least for now.

Jimin walked towards me carefully, worry clearly evident on his red teary eyes.

“Nataly, how about you have a head start on your homework while mommy and uncle Jimin have a talk,” I asked my baby girl as she looked at me with wide innocent eyes.

“Sure thing mommy, I needs to draw an elephant yesterday for school.” She replied as she hurried to grab her backpack from Jimin’s hand then ran to the side table and started setting up her colors.

The way her brilliant big eyes looked up at me had me in a trance. She was so perfect, and I had created her, yet every now and then the guilt of not being enough for her haunted me. The first time they set her swollen and wrinkled in my arms, the detachment I had felt left me horrified. No one had explained the normalcy of those situations. After a few days, my detachment had spiraled out of control and left in its path a sleepless obsession. The breathing patterns as she slept I memorized them to at. Yoongi slept outside our bedroom door as I locked myself in my own little world. A world where nothing could harm me and the precious little treasure that now had me hanging on to life by a single thread. It took days for Yoongi to convince me to slowly come out of the shell I had built around Nataly and me, until I felt it crack sending me running towards Jimin, his contact information on a receipt I assumed was from Yoongi’s fast food run sending a tempting trigger down my spine. Jimin had been the perfect escape. That was until I found myself leaving

“Stephany” Jimin’s soft voice brought me back to the present as a lone tear traveled down my cheek.

“Sorry. I am so sorry. I told him not to call you after I visited (Y/n). I hope I didn’t cause any trouble.” I rambled on as a flashback of (Y/n)’s eyes full of resentment and doubt, a visible contrast to her usual carefree, happy, and loving ones, that I now knew were but a mere mask of what truly laid beneath the surface.

“Stephany, I am not here for you. I was never here for you.” Jimin said above a mere whisper as he looked towards Nataly, “I am here for her.”

“I know,” I said as I hiccuped now fully conscious that I had become a mess once again as a boundless amount of tears spilled from my eyes.

“She doesn’t deserve this life Steph. This constant back and forth has got to stop. I was there for you because I know she needs you, but I can no longer bear that weight on my shoulders. (Y/n) needs me right now more than ever. I have neglected her over and over again to try and be that bridge between you and your little family, and even though I intended everything I did with good faith…. To (Y/n) it was anything but. I crossed boundaries I shouldn't have let you cross on your own. I held your hand through rough patches and you left Yoongi behind. Yoongi is who you should lean on, not me. I tried to distance myself from Nataly, because of you. I have grown to love that little girl as if she was mine, but she is not. When you left her on my doorstep without a way of contacting you I felt my world collapsing.  I had no way to get through to you or Yoongi.  3 days with that little baby by my side is all I needed to grow attached. I felt like a guardian as I searched the whole town for a sign of you. When Yoongi came back from the business trip and took her away from me I felt lost once again. I kept in touch until once again you managed to come back to me, but this time on your own. Stephany, I wanted to be there for you as a friend, but once I met (Y/n) I started realizing how messed up we were.” Jimin paused and grabbed your hand, “I love her and you, but (Y/n) is my world.”

I nodded. I didn’t mean for things to go this way. My own selfish need for constant comfort had blinded me from the obvious pain that I had caused (Y/n). I had become close to her as well. Seeking her out for girl night and even when I needed help babysitting Nataly. I knew Jimin was deeply in love with her. The first time I met her I was frightened of how it would affect my relationship with Jimin, but after a few outings, I attached myself to her as I had with Jimin. She was what I sought after when I needed a breath of fresh air. Her laugh and aura soothed me. She grew into a daily routine as her text messages flooded my days with smiles from her overly cheesy jokes. It all had been a lie. I misplaced her interest. I knew it now. I saw it in the way she looked at me finally displaying the truth in her orbs as they traveled over my uninvited figure. I had been a burden to her. Her laughs and smiles I could now see as forced and stiff when they were directed to me. Her jokes appeared more on my phone screen when I visited Jimin. I thought she saw me as someone she could depend on, a shoulder to cry on and let steam out with, but I was a leech. A life sucking leech.

“I am sorry.” I replied not knowing what else to say, “I didn’t mean any of this. I just… I don’t know how to react and when I black out. I do stuff without truly thinking of the consequences, it is like I am not really there and I am watching stuff through a camera lens.”

Jimin shook his head, an obvious expression of sadness engraved in his brown eyes, “Stephany, a sorry sometimes isn’t good enough, and excuses are just that...excuses. Stop spitting out words and start doing actions that will actually help not only you out, but those who have stood beside you all this time. I am sorry for my lack of sensitivity but at this point... I am wondering, and don’t take this the wrong way, do you really want to get better??”

I looked down at my hands. They were of paler and skinnier than before, “I do...”

Jimin smiled at me, “I have known you almost my whole life. We can’t help you out unless you are sure you want to be helped. If we keep on doing this we will never fall out of this endless routine of running away and coming back whenever you find it in your heart to. Life is not a yo-yo Stephany. One day stuff is going to tumble down and never come back up.”

I looked towards my innocent little girl with hair as blond as marigolds and eyes as blue as the ocean. Her whole aura screamed peace and love, yet whenever I was in my darkest of days all I could see was regret, mistakes, and an unfitting mother who will never be enough.

“What should I do??” I asked Jimin in a barely audible whisper.

Jimin looked towards Nataly, “I can’t tell you what to do, but I know you know what you should do at this point.”

“Remember that day I went to your house and cried over the fact we broke up a million years ago and kept saying I still loved you. I do love you Jimin, I love you so much, but as a brother….and I am sorry, so so sorry. I really don’t even know what I want anymore.”

Before he could respond a loud 80s song echoed loudly through the room shaking both of us up a bit as my cell phone rang, Jimin paced quickly towards Nataly who was holding it up towards him excitedly. Jimin looked at the screen as he scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion.

“I think this might be for me.” He said to himself as he answered rapidly not even seeking permission on my behalf, not that I really minded.

“I’ll be right there!” Jimin said quickly not saying anything else as a panicked tone dripped from his lips with every word. He hung up the phone and placed it on the table.

“I have to go…,” he said rushing a quick look in my direction, “You want me to take Nataly along?” Jimin asked as if reading my mind.

I looked down at her smiling, “Yes, Please.”

Nataly turned to look at me and then at Jimin, “I am going with uncle Jimin mommy??” she asked with a bright smile on her face.

“Yes be good for mommy okay?” She nodded and ran towards me surrounding me with her little arms as the smell of grape lollipops surrounded me. I closed my eyes trying to memorize her warmth.

“I love you” I whispered in her ear as she giggled.

“I love you too mommy” she replied as she let go and skipped her way to Jimin’s arms quickly.

“Forever??” I asked as my voice trembled.

“And ever!” she replied as she waved her small hand at me.

“Take care, Stephany,” Jimin said with saddened eyes.

“You too, Jimin,” I replied simply as he exited through the doors.

Once they were out of sight my fist tightened as I started to breathe quicker and quicker by the second a sense of panic overwhelming me as tears once again formed in my reddened eyes. It was necessary. I needed to do this.

“Steph are you okay??” I heard a deep voice call out to me as the edge of my vision blurred. His face full of confusion and concern, an image I had seen way too often that at this point it felt like deja vu.

“Yoongi!” I said as my voice broke.

Yoongi quickly ran to my side dropping a bouquet of fresh red roses, my favorite, that he had been holding in his hand.

He engulfed me without questioning my current state. This was wrong. He shouldn’t run towards me without looking surprised if I am breaking down. It felt more like a routine at this point than actual comforting. I wasn’t going to be the only one broken if I kept on going, I was going to break him too.

“Babe, it’s okay. Don’t worry, we are going to get you help. We are going to go away from here and start all over again and…” He started only to be cut off by my head shaking a continuous no.

“No Yoongi, I can’t do this to you or Nataly. I am going to be going on my own. I am not letting you leave everything behind for me again. Especially if I am not even sure what I want…..” I said as I grabbed his face in between my hands, “I love you. I always have and always will. Thank you for loving me.”

“But…” He started saying as I laid my finger against his lips.

“No Buts Sir. Nataly is with Jimin, and I am assuming they're on their way to the hospital with (Y/n) by his panicked expression, so hurry up Sir your little princess awaits.”

Yoongi pecked my lips quickly as he started walking away slowly staring straight at me, “I love you.”

A teardrop fell from his eyes as I smiled softly as my breaths evened out, “I love you too!”

I pressed the call button for the nurse station as I saw him turn away from me and out of my room, out of my life, for at least a while or maybe more.

“Do you need something, ma’am??” A young looking nurse asked as she set a tray of fruits beside me.

“Yes. I would like to talk to the social worker about Behavioral Rehab institutions.” I replied sounding more confident than I had been in years.


	8. Chapter 5 (Finale)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves. Sorry for taking so long writing this chapter. I wanted it to feel realistic and not too overwhelming since the whole story was quite an emotional bomb. There is an epilogue coming out which will have a few surprises and let you peek in into Jimin’s and (Y/N)’s life a few years down the road. Some stuff will not be pink and fluffy, and there is like I said a little twist in the story which to be honest I am still debating about. You can choose to stop here or go ahead and wait for the epilogue, it is up to you loves. It will be a short epilogue drabble so it may be up by next weekend.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking through this!! I know we all divided into Teams for the boys and we all cried and debated over y/n life together. I hope you enjoyed this story and I am hoping you will enjoy my future ones. I have so many things going out of hiatus and will continue to be written.
> 
> My upcoming works(for those curious souls):
> 
> Goodnight Moon (BadGirlGoodBoyAU Jungkook OneShot)
> 
> Countdown To Us Chpt 2 (SoulmateAU) TaexReader , YoongiXReader
> 
> Aphrodesia Chpt 1 (Jungkook StripperAU)
> 
> Untitled (Jin BestFriendAU One Shot)

You were more than sure there was a knife piercing through your lower abdomen as you yelled obscenities up in the air for the world to hear.

Magical. That was what the birthing coach had repeated countless times as Jimin held your hand as you practiced breathing techniques in that vomit-green mat.

LIES! They had all been lies. The feelings, the breathing techniques, and the way Jimin had held your hand while whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

“I FUCKING HATE THAT MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH AND HIS FREAKING SPERM. CURSE HIM TO HELL!!!!” you yelled as Jin’s car came to a complete stop in front of the hospital driveway.

“I think you need to relax and breathe, remember like Ms.Hope made you do in those classes you took,” Jin said with a grimace as he jumped out of the car to help you out.

You glared at him through the window as he rushed his way into the building only to come out running with a wheelchair in tow, “You mean the ones you forced me to take??”

“Hey, I didn’t tie you down and take you against your will, I just signed you up and paid without asking you first” Jin opened the door carefully helping you up and placing you on the chair. A nurse came out after him to escort both of you into the lobby where a few other ladies grimaced your way as they patted their stomach while they panted almost in a synchronized fashion.

“We just need some information sweetie, think your partner here can take care of that while we wheel you to the back to start our assessment??” the older looking nurse asked as she took over the wheelchair.

“We are not together together, but sure. Don’t worry about it (Y/n), I got this.” Jin replied as another wave of contractions hit you full force.

“Ahhh ….okay…okay” you shouted as you were rolled into a light blue hallway, Jin no longer by your side.

You took deep even breaths trying to relax your tensed up muscles. Your birthing plan had not included a solo labor, but unless Jimin had some sort of superhero intuition you would have to adapt and conquer the situation.

“Okay hun, let’s get you in a gown before anything. How far apart are your contractions??” she asked as she assisted you on your swollen tomato red looking feet.

“Umm…. I would have to say between. Every 6 to 8 minutes and about 30 seconds each… I think-” you replied slightly stuttering as the weight of the situation started falling upon your shoulders, you were about to become a mom. Your eyes widened with a mixture of excitement and fear.

The nurse smiled softly in your direction, “Don’t worry about it. You got this, you are a strong one I can tell” she said winking your way.

You nodded at her silently as she started making her way out of the room.

“Go ahead and rest. The doctor should be in at any second” she said closing the door behind her.

You made yourself right at home laying on the strange and slightly hard medical bed. The monitors in the room were scattered around the place making the place feel a tiny bit intimidating. The 40 inch TV on the wall seemed oddly comforting and homey and you would be more than delighted if you could only figure out how to turn it on without falling on your face as a weird plan started flowing through your mind of standing on a chair and jump to reach the power button. The plus and minus button on the white control on your bed seemed to be the solution as you examined it closely, scared it would send one of the monitors into a frenzy you clicked it cautiously as if the slow touch would lessen the trigger of whatever was about to happen.

“I hope to the heavens this doesn’t set off an alarm” you whispered to yourself as you made your mind up to click the plus sign. As soon as you pressed the red button the bed vibrated and roared to life as your feet rose up in a surprisingly high speed tilting your feet up towards the air whilst your hospital gown scooted upwards leaving all your lady bits uncovered.

With your luck, it shouldn’t have come to your surprise to hear the door slam open right on time to witness your a la nude display, a deep low chuckle flowed through the air, “I see you are anxious to get them treasures out huh??”

“Oh shit, I mean I am sorry for cussing … I just… sorry Doctor Kim” you stammered out trying to cover your blushing cheeks with your hands.

“Don’t worry about it, darling. I heard you cussing down the hall, as long as those bad words are not thrown my way we are all peachy in here, now let’s get them feet back in place huh??” he replied with a chuckle as he pressed a button on the side of the bed leveling you out back in place and raising the headrest a tiny bit making everything more comfortable.

You eyed the handsome doctor from top to bottom taking in the contrast of his serious demeanor versus his kind words. As if he knew he was carefully examined he threw a rectangular smile your way quickly lifting up the tension in the room.

“These beds can be tricky, and quite amusing if you are in the right mood.” He said as he slipped on some gloves, “Now let’s take a look and see how far along you are. Open your legs slightly for me… this might feel slightly uncomfortable. Do you blush quite this often on a daily basis??”

Your blush depend as you managed to shake your head no as you felt a cold sensation making you jump slightly in place.

The door opened once again at that exact moment, Jimin’s head poking in looking flushed and slightly out of breath, “Sorry am I late??? I came here as fast as I could manage with the after-school traffic” he said as his eyes wandered around the room taking in the dull colors on the walls and weird medical jargon scribbled across random anatomy posters, then landing straight on the sight of Doctor Kim with his hand right up your gown.

Jimin coughed awkwardly, trying to remind himself he was in a professional setting and that he had to get his mind out of an endless pit of the gutter it had landed on as his instinctive self-had placed almost automatically as he came to the realization of how handsome Dr.Kim truly was.

“Actually, you are right on time to assist on labor pains. She is dilated at a 6 and currently on active labor" Dr. Kim explained as he stood up taking both of his gloves off as he walked towards Jimin, “Now it is expected of the father to assist the mother of his children through this enchanting life changing yet painful journey through comfort during these times, but if you give her any trouble I will personally kick your ass out of here, and it will no longer be Doctor Kim in the room, but Kim Taehyung just an FYI buddy” Dr. Kim stated as he gave him an innocent broad rectangular smile his way and a wink your way.

“Epidural??” Dr. Kim asked as if the previous conversation hadn’t happened a few seconds ago.

You nodded, “I think I am going to….Ahhh,” you said being cut off by another rush of contractions.

“Got it… the anesthesiologist will be right in” Dr. Kim stated as he walked out of the room leaving you alone with a disheveled looking Jimin.

You frowned his way trying to ignore his presence yet failing. You were clearly mad and frustrated at him and he knew it.

“(Y/N), I am sorry… I  had to go” Jimin began to explain as he approached your bedside. His voice barely above a whisper and trembling at the end. You knew he was on the verge of tears, but at this point, you could care any less as another yelp came from your lips from the stabbing sensation on the back of your spine. You breathed in deeply trying to ease the painful sensation that had traveled upwards making your whole body squirm uncomfortably.

“You … didn’t have to go Jimin. No one was holding a gun to your head. You went because you wanted to, you needed to be there for Stephany, even if it meant leaving me behind AGAIN” you said as the pain that flowed through your eyes switched to rage as you eyed him from head to toes.

“No no, that is not at all what it is. It has never been Stephany (Y/n). I went to say goodbye. Yoongi called me, and he told me he was planning to propose a change of scenery to Steph and I knew I had to say goodbye, not to Stephany so much as I had to go say bye to Nataly. That little girl is like a niece to me and she reminds me so much of the bright and cheerful Stephany I had once called my best friend. She has so much light in her and I… that little girl is like a piece of Stephany I thought had been lost and I am so scared that she will get hurt just like her mama did. I have been there for her just as much as I have been there for her mom, and I know the whole situation Stephany is putting Yoongi and Nataly through is completely unfair to the both of them. I should have been there for you… I am sorry” Jimin replied as he buried his face in his hands, “I am so sorry, and I know that won’t change a thing but-”

“AHH!” you screamed as your uterus roared to life once again making every other issue in the world seem minute to the immense pain now bursting through you.

Jimin ran towards you grabbing a hold of your hand immediately, “Breath (Y/N), Breath…”

“Easy for you to say you son of a bi…AH!!!!” you replied earning you a grimace from Jimin’s whose hand looked redder than a tomato as you held on to it as your life depended on it.

Sweat was now dripping down your forehead as Jimin ran his fingers through your hair and counted breaths easing you out of the contraction.

“That felt like it was a lot longer than the last one,” you said as you adjusted yourself. The previous discussion left behind as the reality came once again crashing full force in your face, “Jimin… I am scared” you admitted in a quiet sob as he scooted himself into the bed beside to you.

“It is okay to be scared love. If you weren’t I would be scared. Our lives are about to change in a manner of hours…maybe even minutes. You and I have not had the greatest of relationships in the world, and I took you for granted for so long… I can’t even fathom to ever forgive myself, but I can tell you right now that I am going cherish every single second of the day beside our little angels tenfold. You are my family (y/n), and if you can give me another chance to prove it to you…I would give my world up for you. I know today was not the greatest of examples, and once again I shouldn’t have been scared to let you know what was going on. You are more than just my girlfriend, you are my partner in crime and I should treat you as such. I LOVE YOU! I will love you always and forever…even if you choose not to be with me anymore” Jimin said as tears slowly traveled down his reddened cheeks.

You took a deep breath swallowing the words he had spilled as a sweet hot chocolate on a cold winter’s night. The tension that had been sown into your aching muscles relaxing almost into nothingness, but before you could utter a word another contraction pushed through the surface once again throwing you into fits of rage.

“JIIIMIIIIN!!!!” you yelled painfully as he bravely took both your hand in his.

“Breathe (y/n). Close your eyes and imagine little hands and feet, and the smell of baby shampoo, the pain is worth it …. The pain will be less and less” Jimin tried to soothingly whisper in your ear.

“BULLSHIIT!!! This pain will not goo AHHHWAY!” you said almost ripping his hands off as you grasped onto them tighter, the pain increased to a level it hadn’t before knocking your breath out of the continuous rhythm it had settled into before making you slightly dizzy and nauseated.

Doctor Kim came in with a smile on his face, “Well won’t you look at that monitor, we are definitely close, and the anesthesiologist is barely on his way! Let me check you once again because your contractions have definitely increased in duration… If you excuse me”

Jimin nodded looking at the doctor wide-eyed as he assessed you once again as the cold sensation of the gloved made you wiggle with the alien sensation.

“Well…we can’t wait much longer you are at a 9 now. That was quick…” Doctor Kim said talking more to himself than anyone else in the room.

The door opened as Jin walked in looking at the floor lost in thought, “I swear they have way too much paperwork….. Like how many times did I have to print your name?? Don’t they have those sticker name labels or something??” he complained as he plopped himself on the nearby couch finally looking up to inspect his surroundings. Jin smiled at the doctor and then looked at Jimin with relief clearly radiating off him.

“You made it!!” Jin screamed enthusiastically. I frowned his way as I put two and two together, but right before I could question him….

“AHH!!!! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!! THIS HAS GOT TO STOP HURTING SO MUCH!! WHERE IS THE FREAKING EPIDURAL COMING BRIGHT AND SHINY DOCTOR!!!??? WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!!!” you screamed not really paying attention to anything you were saying, “NEVERMIND NEVERMIND DONT DONT STOP SMILING!!! IT IS PRETTY!!!! YOU ARE PRETTY! FUCK JIN YOU CALLED JIMIN AFTER WE FUCKING KISSED!!!”

“You kissed??” Jimin asked completely shocked sending a death glare towards Jin.

“I smell drama” Doctor Kim said winking at both their ways.

“She was confused Jimin… she could only think of the worst possible scenario at that point, and I mean it wasn’t even that long of a kiss cause her water broke….and wait doctor shouldn’t you be doing something?? You wink too much” Jin said defending himself as your screams only got louder.

“You do wink too much…Look I don’t care about the kiss. All I know is that I am glad you were there when I wasn’t. Jin you deserve…” Jimin said to Jin almost completely blurring your loud pants only to be cut off when you screamed once again.

“JIMIN MAKE IT AHHH!” you said as the pain started to subside once again.

“Okay, well the epidural won’t do much at this point. We are going to go ahead and prep her for delivery. Are you ready to start pushing??” Dr. Kim asked as he started to make his way out the door.

“I don’t…” you stuttered.

“PERFECT! What about you Daddy??” Dr. Kim said genuinely smiling at Jimin for once.

Jimin looked your way as his face brightened as fresh tears traveled down his cheeks, “More than ever”

Jin grimaced as he stood up from the couch, “This is my queue to walk out of here before my face hits the floor. I fainted when they showed us the birthing video in class, I can only imagine what a live one will do… I will go wait at the waiting room with Nat and Yoongi”

You turned towards Jimin questioningly, “Wait… why is Yoongi here?? Is Steph okay??”

Jimin placed a finger on your lips, “Shhhh…. I will explain later. Steph is no longer my problem. This is a moment for you and me only. Everyone else is a speck of dirt in this infinity galaxy that is us, now are you ready?”

“More than ever” you replied as Jimin kissed your forehead. For a second a smile adorned your face…For a second until another contraction made its way.

2 pairs of eyes, 40 baby toes, 2 pairs of chubby little feet, a full set of hair, one head a little on the bald side with very light thin hair, and 2 cries that sent your world into a spiral of happiness.

Roilan was born at 20:17 with a full cry that rattled throughout the hallway, a future opera singer was what Dr. Kim said as soon as he burst into baby cries.

Leilani was born at 20:25 a lot more stubborn to let the world know she had made an appearance. It took a bit of coaxing to get her to cry, but as soon as Doctor Kim assured her health seemed to be at 100%  she was back asleep almost automatically.

There was something incredibly magical of watching Jimin cradle both babies as he sang soft sweet lullabies as their little hands wrapped around his fingers.

“They are beautiful” Jimin whispered to himself as tears threaten to spill down my face.

“To be honest they look like little old people, a little swollen and wrinkly but nonetheless beautiful” a deep voice called out from the door, “It happens with all newborns, so don’t worry in about a few hours the swelling goes down and they look a hella lot cuter”

“Yoongi??” you asked out loud confused as he entered the door with a very excited Nataly in his arms. As soon as he placed her down on the floor she came running towards you with an excited and curious glint in her eyes.

“Aunty (Y/N), did you already have your parasites??” she asked clapping her hands in delight.

You raised your eyebrows confused, “What Natty??”

“Yeah, my dad was talking about how babies eat out of the mommies like parasites” she explained nodding her head in full understanding.

“Well … umm… That is strangely correct, but it doesn’t sound too nice to call them parasites, but we can call them Leilani and Roiland.” you replied as you patted the unruly golden hair on her head.

“Leili and Roy!!” she scram now running towards Jimin who quickly smiled her way as she kissed both heads and started talking to babies as if they could understand her perfectly, both pairs of eyes trying to focus on her for now blurry figure as they tried to suck on their hands.

You turned to look at a smiling Yoongi, “Parasites??” you questioned him with an eyebrow raised.

“You tell me how I was supposed to explain it to a little girl. She asked why every 4 words… Anyway, congratulations love!” he said engulfing you in a hug which you returned automatically.

You looked behind him expecting to see Stephany walking in at any second. Yoongi’s eyes traveled to your line of sight, “No, she is not here, and she won’t be around for a while”

“But you and Nataly?” you asked concern written along the creases in your forehead.

Yoongi just shook his head, “Steph thought it would be best to let us go, at least until she is better, but at this point… I am not sure if she is coming back”

You nodded now understand as to why Jimin had run away from your side earlier today. You turned to look at Jimin and Natalie as they simultaneously sang ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ to the once again sleeping twins.

“I am sorry Yoongi I wish…” you replied only to be cut off by his hand interlacing with yours.

“No. There is nothing any of us could’ve done to help her. We tried. We all did. Jimin sacrificed so much and at the end of the day, she always fell back to old habits. I had a lot of people tell me she had to hit rock bottom to actually try and help herself out of this, and maybe she finally did. All I need is that little girl by my side to keep me going. She deserves a whole lot more than I have been able to give her in her short life, and I am going to make sure I fulfill my duty as her father and best friend. My focus will be on her. She needs me, and if Stephanie ever decides to come back… Well, that would be nice, but I am done waiting” Yoongi said confidently, “Now I am sorry to interrupt your moment, but Nataly and I just came by to say goodnight. It is late and time for her bedtime. Jin wanted us to wait a little longer, but Nataly wanted to see the babies before she fell asleep.”

Nataly kissed Jimin and the twins goodnight and then jumped on the bed to kiss your forehead and engulf you in a hug with her tiny little arms, “Love you, Auntie”

“Love you too princess. Be good with your Dad” you replied as you watched her jump into Yoongi’s arms as a gummy smile appeared on his face.

She smiled back at you, “Always”

Jin came in an hour later with 2 giant bears. One pink with a giant tutu, and one blue with a baseball bat. He tiptoed into the room afraid to wake up the twins as they both slept on their baby hospital beds.

“You know Jin you can just walk normally in here,” you said to encourage him to walk quickly to your bedside. Jimin had fallen asleep in the recliner as if he had been the one who had just given birth and pushed out two little humans through his privates. Soft snores spilled from Jimin’s plump lips as Jin peeked in to see the twins.

“They are so cute and tiny” Jin squeaked out in a quiet yet excited tone.

“Yep yep. I make cute babies..what can I say” you replied winking his way.

Jin placed the bears on the side table and then sat on the edge of your bed, “Winking might just be contagious, you are not allowed to hang out with that doctor anymore (y/n). I am glad everything went okay.” his eyes traveled to a sleeping Jimin, “and I am glad you are happy”

You nodded as you reached over to take his hand, “I am… and I am sorry.”

“Wait, what are you sorry for??” Jin asked quietly tilting his head to the side making his manly features look like those of a lost puppy.

You sighed scared to speak the words out loud, as if by not saying them everyone can go about like it had never happened, “The kiss” you stuttered, “I am sorry it took me so long to realize how you felt, and I am really sorry…”

“You don’t have to say it” Jin cut you off looking towards Jimin, “I know…”

“But you don’t. If things between Jimin and I weren’t so complicated. If I had the strength to just let go….it would be you” you said as silent tears traveled down your cheek.

Jin scooted his way closer to you and grasped your face with his hands delicately as if you were made out of this world’s finest crystals, “(Y/N), that is the thing… I am not what you want. You and I are best friends no matter what, through thick and thin. Maybe I should’ve told you how I truly felt, but I knew that with what was going on between you and Jimin it would be taking advantage of the situation and I didn’t want that. I wanted you. I want you.”

You shook your head, “Jin you deserve so much more than me. You need to be someone’s number one, just like you told me so many times. You are gold Jin”

“You are gold” Jin replied instantly, “I think I need to go ahead and go home for the night. I will go by your apartment and make sure the doors are locked”

“Thank you Jin,” you said unsure of what you should really say.

Jin nodded and turned to face the door walking almost reluctantly out the door.

“Wait, Jin!” you yelled unconsciously.

Jin turned to face you puzzled at your sudden outburst.

You slowly sat up from the bed and wiggled up on your feet slowly marching up to him, not quite sure about what you were doing at this point.

As you stood right in front of him you tippy-toed and laced your arms around his neck and rested your head on his chest, “I love you Jin. I love you so so so much, and I wish I could be in love with you too, but I am in love with Jimin and it would be highly unfair to you.”  You separated yourself from his chest and peered up into his eyes, “Best Friends??”

Jin leaned in and placed a soft kiss in your forehead, “Best Friends until a Zombie Apocalypse falls upon us and I get bitten, then I can make no promises I will want to eat your brains… of course if it makes you feel any better I would choose your brains over any others”

“You are so weird” you chuckled as you let him go.

The soft cries of Leilani shook you both back to reality, “I am thinking she might be hungry, she has only woken up to eat so far”

“Time to go then,” Jin said waving a small bye as he stepped away.

As soon as Jin was out of sight you heard some movement from the corner of the room “She is more than likely hungry”  Jimin’s voice surprised you as you scooped her tiny body up in your arms.

“I think so too. She is a sleepy head” you sat on the bed and latched her onto your breast which she quickly took as her little hand went into a tight fist.

Jimin walked towards Roilan who was still quietly sleeping, “I still can’t seem to believe they are already here”

“Yeah me either,” you said smiling.

“(Y/N), I heard what happened with Jin, and I am sorry for everything I put you through, but is it true?? Are you still in love with me”

You nodded right away, “I have no doubt I am, but to be honest I am not sure what I want to do right now. I need to focus on the babies and every time I let you in we fall back into the same routine. We can give this another go, but we would have to start from the beginning once again you just have to give me some time to adjust to everything.”

“You can have all the time you want” Jimin replied as a bright smile appeared on his face, “This is like the best day ever”

“Calm down there. When I mean from the beginning I mean literally dates and all” you replied, “Nothing too serious or dramatic until I feel comfortable”

Jimin nodded, “I will take anything I can get, but will it be too much to ask for a kiss??”

A deep voice broke through the room catching you and Jimin by surprise, “Did you not hear the lady?? She said to CHILL! Anyway congratulations on your bundles of joy, how are you feeling??” a civilian dressed Doctor Kim Taehyung asked as he approached you with a small gift bag, “This is for your minions and this is for you” he replied handing you 4 large sunflowers that shined as bright as him. A small card rested upon the petals which you quickly opened curiously. A blue inked phone number was scribbled across with a smiley face.

“That is my personal number in case you ever need anything… and now that you are dating… casually…” Taehyung replied winking playfully your way.

You chuckled at his joking demeanor while Jimin’s sudden change of mood was written all over his frowning face.

“Anyway I have to go sleep, the bed is calling to me. Goodnight!” Doctor Kim said walking away without giving Jimin another glance.

“Goodnight Doctor Kim” you replied earning you a cheeky smile from the clearly amused doctor.

“You can call me Tae,” he said as he skipped his way out the door.

“I don’t like him,” Jimin said sitting next to you in the bed.

You rolled your eyes at his pout and then leaned in quickly to kiss him catching by surprise.

“But I like you…scratch that I love you. I am so in love with you” Jimin rambled on and on until you once again leaned in to capture his plump pink lips. You knew you had told Jimin you wanted to take things slow and at your own pace, but you had a feeling that wouldn’t last too long with all these boundaries you were trying to set between the both of you. You were so head over heels in love with him, and you could finally confidently say he felt the same.  At that very moment, everything felt perfect, and then not only one cry but two cries erupted loudly through the room forcing both of you to separate from the passion filled kiss.

“Welcome to parenthood” Jimin whispered happily.

“That smile won’t be there for long, especially at 3 in the morning Jimin” you replied as you traded babies now latching Roilan on, “Leilani requires a burping session and then diaper change”

“Yes Ma’am” he replied in an over exaggerated deep voice as he saluted.

 

[Originally posted by pyccx](https://tmblr.co/Z8lVZh2IaF1WU)


	9. I'll Never be Her (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the ending loves. Don't hate me too much :P

> _**Author’s Note: This will be my last entry in the world of I’ll Never Be Her. It has been an amazing experience to meet and have each and every one of you guys as readers/followers. I will continue my works and hopefully still have you guys stick around. Remember my inbox and ask box is always open if you all wanna chat or request anything. I love you all and once again thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.  
> ** **If you decide to read this please don’t kill me..... it is not necessary....just letting you all know. If you decide to read it.... you have been warned...** _

  


 

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##  **-4 Years Later-**

The dark chestnut doors opened to reveal an illuminated path to what would be your future. A smile instantly decorated your face as your eyes fell upon the man who had filled your heart with so much joy and warmth. Life has had his ups and down these past few years, and when he had first shown up in your life it hadn’t occurred that it was going to be a life-altering event.

You walked on forward with your head held high. The off-white dress you had chosen simple yet elegant giving off a royal aura to the dim majestic room. Eyes followed your form as the soft violin music played in the background as millions of smiles were directed your way. Each step forward sending a rush of flashbacks of what the past 4 years had brought from tears to smiles, new beginnings and endings that were long overdue, friendship turned to love, and love turned to friendship, learning what to let go of and learning what is worth holding on to. Every lesson had brought you to where you were now and even if everything hadn’t been pink and fluffy you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You sought out the eyes, the most familiar to you, ones that you were once afraid to look into and you smiled widely at them. He smiled back without an ounce of hate or remorse. Your two angels ran towards him leaving the flower path they had been sprinkling towards the altar behind. They jumped in his arms as if it had been years without his presence when it truly had been but a few hours. You shook your head at the two most beautiful gifts this world had given you and you walked on forward, no longer focusing on anyone but him.

Your feet hurried towards him causing you to stumble a bit to which he smiled at as he mouthed, “Slowly love”. You returned the smile once again taking your time as you carefully took it step by step with the five-inch heels Nataly had chosen out for you, and you were not about to disappoint her as she stared at you proudly with her big round eyes as she pulled on her dad’s arm happily pointing your way.

You were about ten steps away from the love of your life. His honey brown eyes were as sweet and warm as the first time you saw them. His skin glowed bright and sun-kissed, resembling a true handsome knight in shining armor. He smiled at you once again as he saw you grow nearer, he bit his bottom lip playfully as he saw you oogling at him. You blushed as you remembered how it felt it was your lip he was biting, but you kept on forward reminding yourself you were both in public and your fantasies were going to become reality once again by the time the moon shined bright.

Your feet finally brought you in front of the tall figure as he took both of your hands in his instantly bringing the crowd into fits of giggles.

The cough of your best friend shook you both out of the little world you both had encapsulated yourselves just by looking into each other’s eyes.

“(Y/N) you can stop drooling anytime now” Jin attempted to whisper only to fail as it echoed throughout the hall.

A deep chuckle erupted from your future husband filling up your stomach with fluttering butterflies.

The ceremony went by like a flash as your brain had been swimming in the pools of brown in front of you, and after the “I do” you couldn’t help yourself but jump into his arms. He grasped your legs around his waist without a problem as you heard a little rip which you were pretty sure was from your dress, but you couldn’t care any less as his lips sought out yours molding perfectly with one another. The kiss ended way too quickly for your liking as he reminded you, “Babe, as much as I want this kiss to last forever… we are in public, how about we pause it and continue it later yes??”

You sighed as he placed you back in your wobbly legs, “Yes..umm. Sorry I forgot”

“Don’t say sorry love, trust me if I could have my way right now I would skip everything and go straight to our honeymoon suite” he whispered into your ear with his deep timbre making you slightly dizzy with want.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you forward guiding you through the path of family and friends that had lined up outside the building throwing white rose petals your way. You smiled at them as one of your hands interlaced with his and the other held onto the simple sunflower arrangement you had prepared personally since it reminded you of him…

You walked on forward as a familiar face popped out from the crowd, a small smile formed in your face, it had been years since you had seen her, but there she stood smiling at you with Nataly by her side.

As you made your way in front of her you handed her the sunflowers as your smile grew wider, a single tear traveled down her face as you mouthed an “I missed you” as she mouthed a “Me too”

You continued forward to the end of the line where your 4-year old’s engulfed you both in a hug, “Happy birthday Mommy” Roiland screamed proudly as Leilani rolled her eyes.

“It is not Mommy’s birthday Roi it is the marriages birthday duh” Leilani replied as she smiled cheekily your way.

“I love you both,” you said as you handed them back to their father.

“Don’t worry they’ll be okay” Jimin said confidently.

“I am not worried about them” you replied remembering how hard he had tried to gain your trust back, but your stubborn heart not willing to open back up for him.

“I will be okay too,” he said smiling at you and then at the man beside her, “Take care of her”

A rectangular smile was cast towards Jimin, “Always”

You took the last few steps towards the awaiting car as you both turned around to wave goodbye to everyone before the reception hall, but before you could both go into the car you were pulled into a bear hug. The same one that you had been receiving for the past 3 years.

“I love you (Y/N)” his deep voice rang through your ears melting you right in place.

“And I love you Taehyung” you replied as you pulled him by the collar into a passionate kiss, one which you knew it couldn’t last too long thanks to the wolf whistles you were more than sure were Yoongi’s way of cheering your PDA on.

“Let’s go, love, we have a future to start and I am not willing to start it without you,” he said cheekily once again sending your heart into a round of erratic heartbeats.


End file.
